Forever Mine
by ViolentRoses
Summary: The Sequel to No Return to Innocence!THE FINAL CHAPTER!Sometimes drowning your sorrow in alcohol just isn't enough! Warning story contains:sexual themes and violence! not for the weak!
1. Chapter: Prelude

**Forever Mine**

This is the sequel to "_No Return To Innocence_"

_Prelude:_

* * *

_Two Years Later:_

Tsuzuki looks to the sky from his small apartment window. Having not bought curtains for the tiny window, he covered it with a sheet so as to keep his room dark and shadowy.

Tusuzki hated mornings. Actually he despised them, as he would much rather have stayed in bed for just a few more hours. He knew Tatsumi would have his head if he were not at work on time.

"This time only five mintues late," he muses as he looks at his watch. He sits down on a hard brown desk chair before a computer. But something was different. There was no paperwork covering his desk. He looked across from him toward a similar work area.

"Where was Hisoka?" he wondered.

In fact, he didn't see anyone when he arrived this morning. The puzzled brunette walked out to the hallway, the silence making his thoughts louder then normal. The stretch of the hall seemed to go on forever with the white walls surrounding him, reminding him of a maze.

"Where is everyone?" Suddenly, he hears laughter coming from the lounge.

The employee lounge was filled with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee and donuts.  
The TV was blasting the morning news. Tsuzuki could see Tatsumi sitting on the couch reading the paper, blowing on his hot coffee before taking a sip. The other two shinigamis, Watari and Hisoka, were sitting by a laptop laughing. Tsuzuki walked in sitting next to Tatsumi looking up at the news.

"Tsuzuki-san, you never watch the news."

Tatsumi looks up from his paper fixing his glasses up further the bridge of his nose, cocking one eyebrow at the brunette. Tsuzuki just stares at the television as Tatsumi becames annoyed.

"Tsuzuki!"

The Shinigami turns his head over toward Tatsumi.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Tatsumi. I was in a daze, I guess. Were you saying something?"

news reporter

_Reporter One_: A young girl, discovered early this morning by a group of school children, was found to have had her throat cut.

_Reporter Two_: Have the police found out any evidence on the scene? Any clues of any sort?

_Reporter One_: No, Mr.Huika. The only thing that was found was a single rose petal lying within the wound.

_Reporter Two_: Maybe a jealous boyfriend..."

Tsuzuki looks up to the television. His face that of a disbelief.

"It can't be..."

* * *

_Arthur Notes:_ Ok this is the sequel to _No Retrun to Innocence ._A prelude for what is to come. Questions to be answered.

Is Muraki really gone?

How is Tsuzuki taking the lose of Muraki?

How are the other Shinigami taking Tsuzuki action towards his feelings for Muraki's lose?

Will Hisoka ever forgive Tsuzuki for what he has done with Muraki?

Next chapter: What will I do without your Rose?

* * *

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	2. Chapter 1:What will I do without your ro

_Chapter One_: What will I do without your rose?

* * *

_I won't believe it! I can't!_

_It has been two years. His name is on the list. Hisoka's curse is fading from his body. Why am I fooling myself into believing he is alive? Muraki is...!_

Tsuzuki! Tsuzuki!

The brunette shinigami becomes startled as Tatsumi shakes him from his daydream.

"Are you okay, Tsuzuki-san?" he asked.

The guardian wiped his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

"You know, if there is something you want to talk about." Tatsumi touches Tsuzuki's shoulder lightly.

"I'm fine, really." Tsuzuki stands up abruptly, pushing Tatsumi's arm away.

The brunette looks back to the other man. He didn't mean to be so short with the secretary. However, he couldn't help that he kept thinking of Muraki. He knew Tatsumi was only tryng to help.

Tatsumi manages a slight smile.

"If you need me for anything. I'll be in my office," he said quietly, walking away.

* * *

Tsuzuki sees Hisoka staring out a window as he walks into their office.

"Hisoka?"

Tsuzuki's voice full of concern towards his partner.

Partner, huh?

They have been so distent with each other lately. Tsuzuki dosen't even know if Hisoka still thinks of him as his partner, let alone his friend.

"If you think I'm wondering about what happened on the news today, you're wrong! That murderous bastard is dead," the green-eyed boy stated firmly.

He touched the window appreciating the feeling of the cool glass against his fingertips.

"I just never felt so free, Tsuzuki. When I heard them saying there was a murder and all, I thought it was him. But then I looked at my arms. The lines are fading. Each day I see less and less of them and it makes me realize he is never coming back."

Tsuzuki looks at him, his face full of hurt.

"I'm sorry, Hisoka."

"You're not sorry, Tsuzuki," Hisoka said sadly. "You still love him. Those visions are still so strong. You of all people know what that bastard did to me. How could you love something like that?!" Hisoka's green eyes glittered with renewed fury at the brunette.

Tsuzuki looked down to the ground not denying anything Hisoka had said. He knew Hisoka was right. He was still very much in love with Muraki. He felt ashamed for it, even disgusted with himself.

He lowered his head even more, as the feeling of shame washed over him.

"I don't know, I just do," he whispered sadly.

Hisoka looks hard at Tsuzuki, tears filling in his eyes.

"Baka!" he cries as he runs out of the office.

A part of Tsuzuki wanted to run to Hisoka and hold him in his arms. Tell him it was okay, but he knew it would do no good. He was the cause of Hisoka's pain. He knew Hisoka hated him and he didn't blame him for it either. He hated himself for feeling what he did for Muraki.

Tsuzuki sat down at his desk, placing his hands behind his head. He stares blankly at the computer screen in front of him, his mind adrift again.

"I am sorry, Hisoka! I don't feel that happiness like you do at Muraki's death. I wish I did. Then it wouldn't hurt so bad."

Muraki's death was still strongly felt, even though it had been over two years since the incident on the Queen Camelia. Memories of Muraki's touches and caresses made him feel wanted and loved. It still gave him shivers through his body.

Abruptly, he snaps out of his daydream. Blinking, he notices a word on the computer screen.

"Katzuaka."

Tsuzuki quickly deletes it.

"Why can't I stop thinking about you?"

Slowly, he types out the name again.

"Katzuaka Muraki."

Typing it over and over again, his fingers tapping harder at the keys. Hard enough to where they start to crack and break the keyboard.

"Get out of my head, damn you!"

His screen goes blank and he notices Tatsumi's reflection behind him.

"Muraki is dead, Tsuzuki-san!"

Tsuzuki clutches his hands into fists not wanting to hear those words. He slams a fist down on the keybroad, cracking it in two.

"I know that! You don't have to keep reminding me of it!" he cried.

"Well, then get over it already!! I've been dealing with this with you for two years. It is time to move on, Tsuzuki-san," Tatsumi said coldly.

The secretary realized his words were harsher then he intended. He could see the pained expression on Tsuzuki's features. The sad puppy dog look he always gives when he is troubled.

Tatsumi sighed. "Look Tsuzuki-san, why don't we get out of here for a bit? I'll take you to my favorite resturtaunt."

Tsuzuki smiles at him forgetting that he was just yelled at.

"Really?"

Tatmui smiles back. "Really! All the cakes and apple pies you can eat."

Tsuzuki's face lights up. What better way to drown his sorrow than in mounds of chocolate and apple pies?

"I'm taking you to the Choya, one of Nagasaki's most popular resturants. And their known for their delicious desserts."

Tsuzuki became jelly as he heard the word "dessert."

"Can I have anything I want, Tatsumi? Anything!?" Tsuzuki's eyes grow wide as he clasps his hands in front of him, a look he knew Tatsumi couldn't resist.

"Anything, Tsuzuki-san."

Tsuzuki grabs Tatsumi's hand almost making the secertary lose his glasses as the joyful Shinigami pulled him out of the building.

"The Choya? I've never been there before. I hope it's good." Tsuzuki laughs at himself foolishly. "HA! Anything with the word dessert in it is bound to be good."

Tatsumi smiles at the childish way Tsuzuki was acting. He always loved that about Tsuzuki. Even at his worst something as small as a dessert brings the Shinigami joy. Nothing could make Tatsumi happier than seeing Tsuzuki happy.

Tatsumi looks at Tsuzuki smile grow even bigger as Tsuzuki grabs firmly onto his hand tighter, his body being pulled by Tsuzuki down the street.

"What better way to get Tsuzuki to forget about Muraki and get him to notice something more important."

* * *

_Authors Note:_ Tatsumi just wants what is best for Tsuzuki and Muraki is not it. He decides to take Tsuzuki out to his favorite resturant, the Choya. All he wants Tsuzuki to do is to forget about Muraki, but what did he mean about noticing something more important?

_Chapter Two_: Confessions

_Comments:_ thank you for reading the first chapter of Forever mine! Please leave comments and reviews. there is a whole lot more to come and more surprizes on it's way! Tell me what you think so far!!


	3. Chapter 2: Confessions

_Chapter Two:_ Confessions

* * *

The restaurant was nothing like what Tsuzuki thought Tatsumi would frequent. Normally, Tsuzuki thought Tatsumi to be more of a cafe-type person. One to sit sipping tea and tapping on a laptop in front of other overly-worked employees. But here the restaurant was very formal. It had a more sophisticated atomsphere. Dim lights and a live piano player in the middle of the floor. There were crystal chandeliers hanging from each table illuminated by lit candles. It almost reminded the brunette of the restaurant he and Muraki were at on the boat, only there was no piano players.

The hostess greeted them at the door.

"Ahh, Mr. Seiichiro Tatsumi. I see you have a guest today. Will it be the usual table?"

Tatsumi pulls out a card and handed it to her.

"How about something closer to the music and the scenery?"

She looks over to Tsuzuki smiling. "Of course, sir. Right this way. I believe it to be one of our best tables."

They sat a short distance away from a large running waterfall decending into a pond filled with koi fish. It was proving to be a very soothing and sensual atmosphere.

The hostess handed them the menus.

"How about a drink to start off with? We have the finest in Nagasaki. A choice of the reds or the whites. Perhaps a Bordeaux, Chateau Lafite? Or maybe Mouton?

"How about Brunello?"

"Great choice, sir." She bows and walks away.

"So, what do you think Tsuzuki-san?" Tatsumi inquired as he fixed his glasses.

Tsuzuki looks at the waterfall splashing into the pond. He reaches down, feeling the liquid through each finger, the coldness penetrating his skin.

"This place is breathtaking, really. But isn't it a little expensive?"

Tatumi opens his menu scanning through the items quickly.

"Yes, it is."

Tsuzuki notices when he looks down through the pages that it was all desserts. He drools at the sight of all the different pastries and cakes. The chocolate and whipped ice cream petits. Oh! He was in heaven! That was until he sees the prices of most of them. Some had more zeros at the end of them then his paycheck did!

He looks at Tatumi, his face etched of worry.

"I said anything you want, Tsuzuki. Price does not matter," the secretary said softly.

Tsuzuki's eyes widen with excitment. "There is so much to chose from. I don't even know where to start."

Tatsumi closes Tsuzuki's menu looking at the brunette knowingly. "I have just the thing, Tsuzuki-san. I believe you will love it."

A young waitress comes toward their table, holding a dark black bottle within her hand. She sets down two glasses and pours a little of the white liquid within each of them.

Tatsumi lifts his glass to his lips sipping just a little.

"The year is fine."

She then looks over to Tsuzuki as he wonders why she was staring at him.

"You are supposed to taste it," the secretary whispers.

Tsuzuki turns red. "Oh."

He grabs the glass, tipping it back in one gulp, causing him to cough a little from it. The aroma was harsh against the back of his throat.

Tatsumi lets out a chuckle. "Tsuzuki, you are hopeless. As you taste the wine for flavor you are only suppose to sip it"  
"Are you ready to order?" the young woman asked as she poured more of the wine into their glasses.

"Yes, by all means. I will have the Creme da bon"

"And your date?"

Tatumi smiles at the violet-eyed man, finding his boyish behavior quite attractive.

He noticed the Shinigami didn't hear her. He was still trying to clear his throat from that drink he just had.

"He will have the same."

Tsuzuki finally looks back over to them. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

Tatsumi smiled warmly. "I just ordered for you, that's all. I do hope you like it, Creme da Bon."

Tsuzuki had no idea what it was, but it sounded expensive. He knew how tight-fisted Tatsumi was with money. Why was he being so generous with him?

The waitress grabbed the menus leaving the two gentlmen to converse amongst themselves.

"I have been impressed with you as of late, Tsuzuki, with your work at the office. Normally, you would have piles of papers stacked on your desk for days. But you have been on top of everything. What, may I ask, has cured this laziness?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "I just try to keep my mind busy. I figure if I do that other things won't bother me so much."

"Do you mean other things like Hisoka?" Tatsumi sipped his wine.  
"Yeah." The brunette threaded his fingers together. "I just don't think he likes me anymore. I mean, we work in the same office, but he just never talks to me." He looks sad at the comment but he felt he couldn't hide from the truth.

"Hisoka is your partner. He never said anything different about that. But you also have to understand his feelings as well. We all care about you. I care about you. I hate seeing you like this, Zuki."

The secreatry touched Tsuzuki's hand, his face serious and concerned.

"You haven't called me by that name since we were partners," Tsuzuki said softly looking up at Tatsumi.

The waitress came back bringing two dishes and setting them on each side of the table.

Tatsumi decides to change the subject, letting go of Tsuzuki's hand. He grabs a fork poking through the cream of the dessert.

"lets not talk about this right now, lets eat."

Tsuzuki smiles as he grabs his own fork only to drop it with a clatter. He looks at the dessert as though he'd never seen anything like it.

"Tsuzuki, what's wrong? Don't you like it?" Tatsumi asked anxiously.

The mermories flood back into his head. The dessert, the creme and caramel that he tasted on Muraki. It was the same dessert.

"No. It's not that, Tatsumi. I'm sorry I...I have to go to the bathroom." Tsuzuki stands up abruptly, rushing towards the bathroom. He flings the door open and leans against it, breathing rapidly.

"Why is it that every time I think I'm going to move forward, something hits me in my face as a reminder of him?"

The brunette stumbled toward the sink, leaning against it. Tsuzuki closes his eyes briefly. He turns on the faucet, letting the cold water go through him. Bending over he splashes his face hurridly.

"Muraki! Why did you take that bullet for me? Why did you have to die?"

Tsuzuki slams his hand against the sink, breaking the skin of his knuckles.  
He looks at himself in the mirror, placing a finger to his lips.

"I miss your touch. My body feels so empty without it."

With a start, he remembers Tatsumi was waiting for him to return to the table.

"I can't go out there like this. I'm a wreak. I can't even think straight right now. I'm bleeding from my hand, but it felt so good. In fact, I want someone to make me feel good all over, make me forget about Muraki. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of my heart hurting. Oh! I feel strange!"

Tsuzuki grabs his head as a wave of dizziness overcomes him.

"Was there something in the wine?" he wonders.

Tsuzuki managed to walk out of the restaurant. The brunette walked the streets of Nagasaki stumbling most of the way, but finally able to make it home.

* * *

His studio was small. The kitchen was the first room through the front door. Tsuzuki preferred it that way as it was his favorite room in the house. Just opposite of it was the living room which held his bed and piles of clothes on the floor. The bathroom was the only room that had a door.

Tsuzuki threw the keys on the table missing it completely as they fall to the floor. He staggers toward his bed, but falls down before he could reach it, passing out.

Tsuzuki awakens to find himself on the floor, drool soaking the carpet and side of his face as he slowly lifted himself up.

He looks at the time, discovering it was eight o clock. He had been out for six hours! His head was pounding. The brunette gets up to wash his face.

"Tatsumi!"

He suddenly remembered leaving the restaurant without telling Tatsumi.

"Oh my god! He must be so mad at me!"

"He was so nice to me, taking me out and I walked out on him. I'm such an asshole."

He could still taste the wine in his mouth making him nauseous.

"That wine really did a number on me. Of all the drinks I ever had, none of them ever made me react that way."

He splashed cold water onto his face.

"Could that waitress or even Tatsumi have done something to my drink?" he wondered.

"No!" The brunetted shakes his head emphatically.

"Tsuzuki, you're thinking too much. You're just stressed out is all. Tatsumi's only interest in me is as a friend. He wouldn't have done anything like that. Right?"

* * *

_notes:_ Okay. What is Tatsumi really up to?

_Chapter Three_: Unforgiving.

_Comments_: Chapter three is the chapter you've all been waiting for! The Return of Muraki! Just keep reading to find out what happens...tell me what you think of this chapter, 'kay?


	4. Chapter 3: Unforgivng

_Chapter Three:_ Unforgiving

* * *

Tsuzuki puts his apron on, ready to set the table.

Nothing like cooking, he thought, to ease his mind a bit.

It was kinda weird being out with Tatsumi at a fancy restaurant like that. Even weirder that Tastumi called him that name, "Zuki." He had not heard that name since they where younger.

Tsuzuki then hears the doorbell. Taking the spoon with him to go answer it, he tastes some of his sauce as he opens the door seeing Tatumi on the other side.

"I was wondering what happened to you? You left without saying anything," the secretary stated.

Tsuzuki pulls the spoon out of his mouth. Feeling the stare of Tatsumi on him he stammers out, "I...I'm sorry Tatsumi. I wasn't feeling well."

"Well, you left this." Tatsumi holds up a closed container.

Tsuzuki already knew what it was. A feeling of dread came over him.

"Umm, thank you." He slowly reaches for it, but Tatsumi walked past him into the apartment. The secretary breathed deeply.

"You cooked!"

He could see Tsuzuki in his apron and couldn't help but smile at how cute the Shinigami looked.

"It smells great."

"Of course. It is one of my favorite things to do," The brunette pouted.

Tatsumi looked at the apron chuckling. "I thought as much. Do you mind? I haven't eaten anything since you left the restaurant."

Tsuzuki smiles back at him.

"Umm, of course not. Make yourself at home. I'll just set a place for you."

"Great! I'll go put this in the fridge for you then."

Tsuzuki follows him into the kitchen. The brunette grabbed another plate and set it on the table.

"Besides, Tatsumi, I would rather have company than eat all this by myself, even though I wouldn't mind. It does get lonely sometimes."

He goes back to his pot to stir the sauce he had made.

"Why did you really leave, Zuki?" The secretary asked softly.

The brunette stopped stirring, slowly taking the spoon out and tapping it on the edge of the pot.

"You didn't even tell me you were leaving. Why?" Tatsumi could feel his face twist painfully.

Tsuzuki sighed. "It was because I couldn't, Tatsumi. I couldn't handle seeing that dessert in front of my eyes."

Tatsumi looks at him confused. "I asked you if you liked it or not. I would have ordered you something else if it made you feel sick."

Tsuzuki just came out with it. "It was the same dessert that Muraki and I had, umm..."

Realization dawned on Tatsumi. He didn't want to hear it.  
He quickly interrupted the violet-eyed man. "Oh! Then I'll get rid of it."

Tsuzuki touches his hand stopping the older man from grabbing the dessert out of the fridge.

"No, Tatsumi. I have to stop. This is what I realized: You're right. He is dead. I can't keep going like this. I can't make my memories ruin my life anymore. I have to move on."

Tsuzuki lets go of the spoon causing it to drop on the floor with a clatter. "It is just so hard, Tatsumi. Hard to forget," Tsuzuki whispers brokenly.

Tatsumi touches the smaller man's shoulder. "Sometimes it can be.  
But, I am here for you, Zuki."

Tatsumi ran his fingers through Tsuzuki's soft brown hair.

"I am always here for you," Tatsumi feels his body flush as he looked at those brilliant violet eyes of the brunette's. His passion increasing as he brings the smaller Shinigami closer to him.

Suddenly, the buzzer dings on the oven, startling both men as Tsuzuki grabs the spoon from the ground.

'Oh! It's done."

Tsuzuki quickly busies himself getting the hot noodles out of the oven, unaware of a frustrated Tatsumi standing in his kitchen.

Needing something to do, Tatsumi grabs an oven mitt from the counter next to Tsuzuki. Because of the smallness of the room, Tatsumi couldn't help but bump his body against Tsuzuki's back.

"I'm sorry, Tsuzuki. This kitchen is so small. How about you sit down while I'll bring the food?"

Tsuzuki turns around to face him only to find himself inches away from Tatsumi's lips. "Umm, okay," his voice breathy as he could feel Tatsumi's breath close to his. He blushes as Tatsumi's crystal blue eyes stare intently at him.  
Tsuzuki quickly makes his way to the table, abruptly sitting down.

Tatsumi places the noodles on the table, then grabs the sauce.

"The Chief had said that there was only one murder. So, it wasn't something we were to worry about as being like the reporter said, all it could have been was a jealous boyfriend."

Tsuzuki grabs some of the noodles placing it on his plate.

"Did they catch him yet?"

"Unfortunately, no. But while you were gone today, the Chief did ask me if I could have you on the case, considering there might be some weird occurrences. Even though there has not been any names that appeared on the list yet, we can't be too careful.

Tsuzuki puts some of the steamy noodles on Tatsumi's plate, generously pouring the thick sauce over it.

"And what does Hisoka say about it?"

"Hisoka has refused to take the case, due to his upcoming vacation. So I insisted on taking his place this time around. That is, if it is okay with you."

Tsuzuki devoured his noodles. "I don't see why not. If Hisoka is taking a vacation, I think it is good for him to have one." His voice grows quieter, "Even if I think it is because of me that caused his decision," Tsuzuki face sags a bit after confessing this.

"Tsuzuki, you need to stop beating yourself up over this. Hisoka dosen't hate you. He just needs time to adjust. A vacation for him would do him good, I think."

Tatsumi tastes the dish in front of him, wanting to pull Tsuzuki out of his depressed state

"Wow! Tsuzuki, this is amazing!"

Tsuzuki smiles at him, continuing to eat slowly. "Thank you."

Tatsumi picks up his napkin, leaning over to wipe Tsuzuki mouth.

"We will be doing field work tomorrow."

* * *

_"Muraki, no! I could have taken that bullet!"_

_The wounded man touches Tsuzuki's face rubbing his cheek lightly._

_"You are so perfect as it is. I didn't want to ruin it."_

Tsuzuki wakes up in a cold sweat. "Not again."

He gets up going to the fridge to grab a cold water bottle, noticing the container sitting next to it. Sighing, he picks it up, opening it and seeing the dessert inside.

Staring at the creme-filled delight, he thinks, "It tasted so good."

He dips his finger in the mousse, tasting a little of it, feeling the texture slowly melting in his mouth.

"It just isn't the same! Damn you!"

He throws it across the kitchen hitting the wall. The gooey mixture splatters all over the wall.

"Even my desserts are ruined because of you!"

"It seems Tatsumi is the only one who understands me. I feel so comfortable around him like a big brother. He seems to make me forget about Muraki when he is around. I know his intentions. He only wants what is good for me. He is such a caring man. Maybe it is better that he is on this case with me. I'm so grateful he is around."

The Shinigami rubes his hands against his arms.

"I wish he were here right now. He would tell me everything is okay and hold me.  
I need that now more than ever. For someone to hold me, make me feel needed," he mused.

He holds himself tighter. "Tatsumi..."

* * *

"Tsuzuki! You're late! Tsuzuki, are you even here?"

Tsuzuki wakes up, finding himself on the cold floor. Someone was knocking at his door.

"Oh, shit! I'm late!" Tsuzuki rushes to put on some clothes then runs to open the door, passing Tatsumi on the way out.

"Tsuzuki!"

The brunette stops short. He slowly turns around dreading to see Tatsumi's stern features.

"Tatsumi, I'm sorry," he manages hoping to appease the secretary.

Tatsumi smiles at him.

"Are you ready?"

Tsuzuki smiles back gleefully. "Yes."

Tatsumi cleaned his glasses casually.

"Don't think I have forgotten you being late today. I had to cover for you in the office.I know you had a rough day yesterday but this is a very important assignment. Now, that I'm on the case with you, you have to get your head together, Tsuzuki," admonished Tatsumi.

The brunette Shinigami hated when he was like this: All business and work. But he knew Tatsumi was right. What good was he if his head was always floating in the clouds?

* * *

They scouted the area of the park where the incident had happened.

"It would be so much easier if Hisoka where here. He could very easily use his empathic powers to trace some clues," grumbled Tsuzuki.

"Well, he isn't so we will have to do what we can," the secretary replied.

Tsuzuki pouted going over to the park bench and plopping down.

"I'm so tired, Tatsumi! Can we take a break for just a moment?"

Tatsumi sits next to him. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt."

The sun started setting as they have been out all day looking for clues or anything for that matter to help with the case.

"The cherry blossoms seem to cover the ground. It's such a beautful sight. Each one falling from its branch, floating through the air like dancing petals. Almost like they were human themselves performing a show for the world to see. I bet not a single one falls the same way," Tsuzuki mused wistfully.

Tatsumi looks at him, wanting to here more. Despite Tsuzuki's child-like behavior, most of the time he was a man with deep thoughts. Deep beautiful thoughts that always seemd to touch Tatsumi's heart whenever he heard them.

"Zuki, would you like to know why I stopped being your partner?"

Tsuzuki looked at him from the corner of his eye.

"What..what do you mean. It was because I was annoying you, right?"

"That was just an excuse for the real reason."

Tuszuki sits up, giving his whole attention toward Tatsumi.

"What do you mean, Tatsumi?"

"I stopped being your partner because I didn't want my feelings getting in the way!" The blue-eyed Shinigami turned to meet Tsuzuki's eyes fully.

"Tsuzuki, I am attracted to you and I knew that it would interfer with my work being your partner," Tatsumi confessed.

Tatsumi tore off his glasses peering closer at Tsuzuki. The violet-eyed man was taken aback by Tatsumi's confession.

"Those feelings never left. I am so very jealous of Muraki, for what he had. I wanted it to be me. For two years I envied him. It made me sick wanting you for myself even more so."

"Zuki, I want to hold you in my arms and touch you because I want to be with you."

"Tatsumi, I...I never knew," The guardian blushed deep red.

"Well, now you do."

Suddenly, the secertary reaches for him, kissing him. Tsuzuki finds himself not pulling away.. He needed that touch. It didn't matter who it was from. He just needed to not hurt any more. He needed to feel anything but pain.

He let Tatsumi pull him further into the embrace as the blue-eyed Shinigami glided his hand down the guardian's shirt, kissing his neck.

Tsuzuki opened his eyes seeing the man work his way down his clothes.

"This isn't right! This isn't the same feeling!"

His thoughts race a mile a mintue.

"Wait."

But the older Shinigami just murmured as he went to kissing the side of his neck.

"Tatsumi, wait!"

Tatsumi stops, looking up at Tsuzuki.

"I'm not ready for this yet," Tsuzuki whispers.

Tatsumi sits back, his breathing harsh. He shakily pulls his glasses out of his pocket and puts them on.

"I'm sorry, Zuki. I pushed too fast, didn't I?" said Tatsumi, trying to keep his voice light.

Tsuzuki looks away. Suddenly, the sound of a girl's screams pierces the air.

Both men get up running in the direction of the cries, only to come to a halt. A female, bleeding from her chest down by a gash that was seen clearly, gaping a horrific wound across her chest to her inner thigh.

She was on her last breath as she murmured, "I was...just walking by...why.  
why...did he attack...me?"

Tsuzuki runs to her side. "Who!?" Who did this?" But her breath became still.

"Damn it!" he lets her head down gently, noticing a crushed rose underneath it. He pulls it out and stares at it in disbelief.

It was a red queen rose. The same rose that was given to him by Muraki on several occasions on the boat. His eyes lit up with hope that Muraki was alive, but hurt that he would do such a thing as this. Part of him wanted it to be him, but the other part didn't want to know it was him that had caused these murders.

"Muraki."

Tatsumi looks at Tsuzuki holding the rose realizing that Tsuzuki might just be right this time. Muraki might just be alive.

* * *

Tsuzuki holds the rose twisting it in hand.

"Muraki, is it you? Why?"

Watari walks in, his face disturbed and somewhat tired.

"As I went through data after data, it is possible that Muraki's name being on the list could have been a misprint. There was no sign of Tsubaki's name. His might have been a replacement of hers."

Tsuzuki looks up at the blonde scientist. "What do you mean, Watari? That her name is missing off the list?"

"Precisely! In other words, it either means that she is still alive which I highly doubt or Muraki's name was a misprint on her name."

Tsuzuki crushes the rose in his hand.

"Which means that Muraki is still alive!"

"Correct!" Watari noticed the look of determination on Tsuzuki's features.

"That bastard! He said he would never kill again! That girl didn't deserve that. She had a life and he took that away from her. I can't allow it to happen again," the brunette resolved.

'Tsuzuki, what do you plan to do?" The scientist walked over to the angered guardian noticing the crushed rose in his hands, the thorns piercing his skin.

"Tell the others I'll be back. I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him myself!"

"But I thought..." Watari remembers the moments when Tsuzuki sat in this same chair just looking out the window hoping to see that devil waiting for him.

"It dosen't matter what you think, Watari! I have to do this if not for those innocent people then for myself. I have to get over the fact that he is nothing more then a murderer."

Tsuzuki gets up and heads to the door. Unexpectedly, the brunette turns, looking at Watari.

"Please don't tell Tatsumi what I'm doing. He'll come after me and I don't want to put his life in danger.  
I can get closer to Muraki than any of you. It's better this way if you don't say anything," he reasoned.

He grabs the sword from off the display on the wall. Such a pretty decoration. Too bad. He walks out the door, keeping it close to his side.

Watari looks out the window seeing the angry shinigami leave from the Halls of Hades.

"Tsuzuk, you are right about one thing. Muraki is closest to you, but can you handle that feeling again of holding his lifeless body in your arms? I can only hope..."

* * *

_Authur notes_: Woohoo! Muraki is back! Ohhhhhh, Joy!!! What will happen when they encounter each other? Will knowing the murders where caused by the Doctor end his love for Muraki? And will the touching moment between Tatsumi and Tsuzuki go any further? Questions in need of answers...The Chapter You All have been waiting for!!

_Chapter Four:_ Torturous Guilt


	5. Chapter 4: Torturous Guilt

_Chapter Four:_ Torturous Guilt

_Note:_ Sorry it took so long ,but here it is!

* * *

Looking up at the sky with the clouds beginning to overlap each other, Tsuzuki sits on the same bench where Maria Wong tried to attack him.

He knew he couldn't find Muraki. If he did see him though, would he be able to confront him about the murders? He still loved the pale man, that angel with his pale skin and bedroom eyes. What would he do?

Even though what he had said to Watari about killing him was nothing but a lie he had to say something, showing his anger to mask his real feelings of hurt and sorrow.

"Maybe being with Tatsumi might not be so bad. No! What am I thinking? I could never feel for Tatsumi the way I feel for Muraki. God, I miss him."

His lips tremble slightly as he closed his eyes.

He sighs deeply as he leans back against the cool bench.

"What I would do to feel your touch, to hear your voice."

Suddenly, a soft velvety hand touches his cheek followed by a silky warm voice, all too familar to his ears.

"Asato, I don't know what it is you want. What it is that I can prove to you.  
It is your choice after all."

"My choice?" Tsuzuki's eyes snap open, he quickly looks behind him but finds nothing. Was his mind playing tricks on him?

"Am I just fooling myself? Tsuzuki, you have to get ahold of yourself. You got all excited earlier thinking Muraki might be alive and it just wasn't so. It has been two years. Why would he show up now?

The saddened Shinigami sighed again as he got up from the bench.

"There you are."

Startled, the brunette turns around seeing Tatsumi standing before him, smiling at him.

"You look exhausted," the secretary observed.

"I am. Tatsumi, can I stay at your place tonight?" Tsuzuki remembered the splattered dessert still on the wall of his apartment. He just didn't want to be reminded of anything right now.

Tatsumi was surprised to hear Tsuzuki ask such a question especially after what had happened earlier

"Of course you can, Zuki."

* * *

Tatsumi's apartment fit him well. It was very spacious with a minimum amount of furnishings. Nothing like Tsuzuki's apartment. One large picture window took up whole wall making the night sky seem like watching a movie. The kitchen was in the middle of the room with no walls around it. An island which sat in the middle of the kitchen but that was about it. To the left was the living room which lead to some stairs. There was a lot of art deco and modern design with in the room, making it look somewhat like a art museum. On the right must of been his office as there were book shelves and a desk with a laptop on it. There was a small hallway which must have lead to the bedrooms and bathroom.

Tatsumi hangs his coat up, grabbing Tsuzuki's from of his shoulder.

"Please make yourself at home. There isn't must in the refridgerator, I'm afraid. I'm hardly ever home so there really isn't any point of shopping for groceries. We could order something if you would like..."

Tatsumi then notices Tsuzuki's sad expression.

"Zuki, are you okay?" Tatsumi asked softly.

Tsuzuki reassures the blue-eyed Shinigami by giving him a faint smile.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

Tatsumi walks him to the spare bedroom. "This is were you will sleep. The bathroom is at the far right end."

Tsuzuki walks past him to sit on the bed.

"There's some pajamas in the closet," the secretary added.

Tsuzuki smiled in gratitude, though there was something on his mind.

"Thank you, Tatsumi, for your concern."

Tatsumi shakes his head at the tired brunette.

"There's no need to thank me, I wanted to."

The secretary hesitated briefly. The thought was on his mind. Was Tsuzuki thinking the same thing?

"Zuki, about earlier..."

But the violet-eyed man interupts him. Right now was not a good time for this discussion. Especailly with what was running through his thoughts already. He was really thinking about giving Tatsumi a chance. But was it something he really wanted? Was him asking Tatsumi if he could stay the night a confession to himself? That maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if seeing how one night with this man could work? Then again, maybe he was thinking rashly because he was tired.

'Tatsumi, stop. Can we just let it go for now. I'm very tired and I just need some sleep," Tsuzuki pleaded.

Tatsumi nodded his head at the sleepy man, managing a small smile to hide his hurt.

"Of course, Zuki. I'm sorry. Please have a good night." He quietly closes the door.

Tsuzuki gets up from the bed grabbing a pair of pajamas out of the closet.

"Pink kittens?!" Tsuzuki chuckles seeing the long-sleeved cotton shirt and pajama bottoms.

"There a little big, but I guess it'll do."

He opens the window as it was a little stuffy in the room then crawls into bed wearily. He looks at the clock noticing it was just 9:00 and laughs.

"At least I know I won't be late for work."

His eyes slowly shut as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The air was cold within Tsuzuki's room. The wind was high and a light flashed followed by a low rumble from outside. A storm was approaching, causing the world to become even colder.

But Tsuzuki was sound asleep and didn't even stir from the sound of thunder and flashes of light streaking across the dark room.

He really must have been tired.

The window suddenly closed as a shadow approached toward Tsuzuki's sleeping form. Slowly from the bottom of the bed the dark figure crawled up to the sleeping Shinigami, stradding on top of him.

A hand touches the guardian's face, lightly brushing back the dark strands of soft hair.  
A finger slowly glides down Tsuzuki's peaceful features. Feeling the skin against his fingers down to his lips the figure proceeds forward touching them lightly. The figure bends over to touch those soft lips to his own.

That touch woke the Shinigani, his dazed glare could see the figure looking at him but he could barely make the features out.

The shadow softly touches his cheek. The man's breath warming one side of the violet-eyed man's face.

"I don't care what has happened. I will show you that you are mine."

Realization hits Tsuzuki. That soft, beautiful voice he longed to hear for so long. His eyes widened as he gazed at the figure over him. In a soft, hopeful voice he calls out:

"Katzutaka?"

* * *

_Aurther's note: _Lemon!! anyone

_Chapter five:_ Silence Broken


	6. Chapter 5: Silence Broken

_Chapter Five:_ Silence Broken

* * *

The dark sky streaked with lighting, illuminating the face which was on top of the sleepy Guardian. Purple eyes widened at the man in front of him. 

"Katzuaka!"

The blonde touched Tsuzuki's lips with his finger.

"I have missed you."

The Shinigami was speechless.

Muraki looked at him strangely then smiles.

"I'm guessing you missed me, too."

The older man leans down slightly rubbing his cheek with the Guardian's, nuzzling his ear." You are still as beautiful as ever, Asato."

Tsuzuki could feel the warm breath of the doctor's against his ear. His heart pounds as he wanted to grab the man on top of him and hold him in his arms forever. But the shock of seeing the doctor alive and breathing after two years of not seeing or hearing from him still had him at a loss.

"Asato, did you give up on me already?"

Tsuzuki managed to turn his head to look at the angel above him.

"What? Never! You were the one that was missing for two years."

The older man looked at the sad face of his Shinigami.

"I never stoped thinking about you," the Guardian paused.

"Even when I had chances elsewhere. I don't want those chances! I want you. But you had been gone out of my life for so long. I didn't know what to do with myself. If there even was a possiblity I would ever see you again. But I see what you've been doing." Tsuzuki sighed thinking about those murders.

Muraki turns his head to met his violet eyes.

"I was recovering and that is all."

"Recovering?" Tsuzuki questions.

Muraki opened his shirt to reveal the wound on his chest.

"Yes, recovering."

Tsuzuki touched the wound on his chest, rubbing his finger on the scarred skin that lay just above his heart.

"Does it hurt?" he asked softly.

"It is sensitive when you..." Muraki stills as he feels the soft touch of lips gently press down on that one horrid spot.

The doctor looks down at the brunette. He knew there was a reason why he had fallen for this man. Though he thought love was nothing but an illusion, he couldn't help but feel the compassion coming from the smaller man.

"Asato, I want you. I want you right now!"

He laid the Shinigami back down, kissing him hungrily. Tsuzuki tears his lips away, gasping.

"Wait! We...we can't. This is Tatsumi's house! He'll hear us."

Muraki smirks "Well, then you better not be too loud."

Tsuzuki blushes. He then toys with the doctor. "What makes you think I'll let you have it?"

"Oh, I'll have it." Muraki grabs the Shinigami's hands pinning them down.  
"I'll always have what is mine." Tsuzuki blushes even a deeper red.

"I know all of your weak spots, like here." The blonde man nips on the skin right underneath his ear, making the Shinigami's mouth escape a light moan.

"Stop that!"

Muraki chuckles as he hears the breathy voice of his Guardian trying so hard to reject him.

"Do you really want me to stop?" Muraki slowly gets up from the bed, but the relentless brunette grabs him by his shirt pulling him back down.

"Katzuaka! Don't you dare!" he kisses the blonde angel deeply, delving his tongue into the blonde's willing mouth. Tsuzuki moans from feeling those soft lips against his, the silky tongue twining with his own.

Muraki unbuttons Tsuzuki's night shirt hurridly, then traces his finger down to the strings of the brunette's cotton pants.

Muraki licks his tongue down the already heated Guardian's neck down to his chest. The waiting of two years made the Shinigami melt into Muraki's touch.

Muraki had finally released the string preventing him from his prize. The pale man snakes his hand through the fabric to Tsuzuki's already erect length, pulling it out to marvel at the great tower before him. Without hestation, the blonde engulfs the burning length whole, tasting the sweetness of his beloved.

Tsuzuki bites down hard on his finger, knowing Tatsumi was not far away, not wanting to wake the secretary. Yeah, Tatsumi. Muraki and I were just having sex in your house! Tsuzuki would have laughed if it were not for the delicious sensation of a velvet tongue along his erection.

Tsuzuki didn't know if he should stop this and have them go to a hotel instead or even his place. But the feeling was exquisite. He knew his body wasn't going to last long.

Muraki traces a finger against his own mouth catching some of the precum and salvia within it. He then licks Tsuzuki soft skin down to his entrance, rolling it along the ridges and into the opening.

Tsuzuki bites down even harder on his finger as he feels the pressure below him. It hurt. But Muraki was patiently entering yet another finger to relax the muscle before something larger went in.

"You are still as tight as you were two years ago, when I first entered you," the doctor whispered.

Soon, Muraki pulls out his fingers tasting his glistening digits and kisses his Guardian again.

Impatiently, Tsuzuki frantically unzips Muraki's pants pulling out the large shaft that was about to enter him. He adjusts his hips to fit around Muraki as the blonde leans into him, grinding his engorged member with Tsuzuki's.

"I'm going to make you scream my name, Asato."

He slowly enters the head. Seeing his Shinigami cringe, he waits for Tsuzuki to relax before entering deeper. Tsuzuki, however, tenses, biting his finger again, breaking the skin.

"Would you like me to stop?"

"No! I want to feel you, I don't care how much it hurts," the brunette pants.

Muraki pushes the rest of the way then pulls out just to slam it back into the brunette again.

Tsuzuki covers his mouth as he moans, becoming more and more used to it as it started to feel good rather than painful.

Tsuzuki wraps his legs around the doctor's waist allowing for deeper penetration. His moans controlled only by his hand, trying so hard not to be loud so that Tatsumi couldn't hear them.

However, Muraki didn't care. He wanted to hear his lover's passionate cries. He pulls the Shinigami's hand away.

"I want to hear you, Asato."

"But..."

"But, what?"

Ruthlessly, the blonde slams into his beloved, hitting his sweet spot fully, causing the brunette to throw his head back and cry out.

Muraki kisses Tsuzuki all over his throat, his breathing becoming erratic. Close to climax, Muraki slams harder into his Guardian causing the smaller man underneath to scream out his name as they both come into blissful ecstacy.

"OH GOD! KAZUTAKA!!"

Tsuzuki's body spasms beautifully along with Muraki's. Breathing heavily, the pale angel looks down at his lover smiling as the sweat dripped off his body onto Tsuzuki's.

'I thought you were going to be quiet," he teased the brunette.

"Do you think he heard us?" Tsuzuki worried, still out of breath.

"And if he did?" the doctor gently brushes his fingers through Tsuzuki's damp bangs.

"You are forever mine."

Tsuzuki nuzzled his face against the pale man's hands, closing his eyes.

"Yes, I am. I am forever yours," he whispers, slowly falling asleep in the comfort of his lover's arms.

* * *

_Aurthers Note:_ OHHHH So sexy-fide!! Tell me what you think?

_Chapter Six:_ Innocent!


	7. Chapter 6: Innocent

_To everybody readig this I would like to apoligize for the very long wait of this chapter. I hope the wait was worth it though._

**.Chapter Six: Innocent**

* * *

The door to Tsuzuki's room slowly creeked open. He could see the young shinigami silently sleeping in a mound of covers, his face looking just as innocent as a child's. 

"Tsuzuki..." the older shinigami whispers with little effort of waking him up. The secertary tried to shake him a little, his voice a little louder.

"Tsuzuki." but still the shinigami only grunted in protest, turning his body over and pulled the pillow over his head.

Okay," Tatsumi pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "This calls for drastic measures."

"Tsuzuki, if you do not get up right now, I will deduct your pay so that little bit of spending money you do have will not be enough to get yourself any apple pies!"

Tsuzuki threw himself out of bed.

"Okay! Okay! I'm up!"

Tatsumi smiled at the pillow-faced shinigami.

"I thought that would wake you."

Tsuzuki looked at the clock reading 5:30 a.m.

"This is pretty early even for you, Tatsumi."

"I would say it is not early enough. Well, then, Suki, get yourself together. Breakfast will be waiting."

Tatsumi walked out the door leaving Tsuzuki to ready himself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuzuki groaned as he rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"Why does he have to be such an early bird?"

The guardian looked over seeing the ruffles of cover in a heap. He moved them out of the way revealing an empty area of mattress.

"Was it a dream?" he thought. Then looked at his clothes, his shirt half-undone and pant strings untied.

The brunette smiled to himself. He noticed the window closed, remembering opening it last night before he laid down.

He blushed knowing it was not a dream and visually remembered their encounter.

It gave him shivers as he could still feel the touch of Muraki's soft hands and mouth exploring him in areas even he has never been.

Tsuzuki gets out of the bed buttoning back up his shirt.

He feels something in his pocket and pulls out a small note.

_"Tonight at the Tantra. Meet me there."_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuzuki walked out, heavy-lidded and dazed.

Tatsumi looked up toward the shinigami as he poured some syrup onto his pancakes.

"Suki, you look terrible." he declared ungraciously.

The zombie form slithered into the chair slowly.

"So tired...so sleepy."

"What time did you go to bed?" The secertary took a sip of his coffee and placed it back down on the table.

"Uhhhgg!" Tsuzuki slams his face into his food.

Tatsumi raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I did hear some noise from your room last night."

Tsuzuki quickly lifts his face, eyes wide and anxious.

"Y-you did?"

Tatsumi looked back at him calmly.

"Yes, though faintly. Something like groaning perhaps. No, more like moaning."

Tsuzuki bit at his finger, sweat appearing at his forhead. He could see the stare Tatsumi was giving him making him that much more nervous.

"Did you have a nightmare, Suki?"

The fear-struck shinigami sighed in relief.

"Yes! Ummm, that's right. A nightmare!"

He jabbed his fork into the heart of the pancakes, shoveling and gulping them down.

"You know they say. That a stone with a hole in it cures nightmares. It is said that the hole within the stone catches the dreams you render at night, only allowing the good dreams to pass through."

Tsuzuki licked his lips, tasting the little bit of syrup around his mouth.

"What happens to the bad dreams?" Crumbs fall from his overly stuffed mouth.

"They become part of the stone. Locked away within its hard surface, forever gone."

He smiled as the sun gleamed off his glasses.

"I'll pick you one up today while we are out on the case."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chief Kohan points at the large screen hovering in front of the three shinigamis, then chomps down on his creme-filled puff.

"If we do find any clues to these unsettling murders, now that we know that Muraki is alive thanks to Watari's extensive work, it's possible that he is involved then."

The screen brought up the picture of a young female looking no later than her mid-twenties. Tatsumi pointed a long stick at the picture, snapping it for attention.

"This is the lastest victim in this onslaught of murders which is now called the "Rose Murders." She was found in Grover Park leaning down on a bench this morning by some kids. As you can see, her throat has been slashed both vertically and horizontally. A white rose was left in the opening.  
Her right hand also has been cut along the forefinger webbing. Why the murderer chose this sort of action, I don't know. But it is obvious from the rose we know who is involved."

Watari looked at the picture, tapping his fingers.

"What a gruesome way to die! That Doctor surely is a cruel man."

Tsuzuki rose up from his chair, outraged to hear his friends talk such nonsense about Muraki.

"How is it that you believe it is Muraki who comitted these crimes?" he demanded.

Tatsumi looked over to Tsuzuki angerily.

"Chief Koroan if I may. Tsuzuki, despite the little love feast you had with this man, it fits his field of work. With each of the victims, a rose lay nearby. That alone should be enough proof the doctor is involved."

Tsuzuki sits back down, seeing Tatsumi look at him with anger, yes, but also with slight hurt. Tsuzuki looks down turning his gaze away from him.

"No. I just think we are jumping to conclusions. We don't have any proof that he really is, in fact, still alive."

Tsuzuki knew Muraki was alive, though. He had just seen him last night, but he wasn't going to tell his friends that. Why would he? So they can criticize him more for being with this man? Besides, he didn't want Tatsumi to know. It would hurt him terribly.

"Well, then, that settles it. Tatsumi, Tsuzuki, I want you both to investagate the Grover Park area. See what you can find out."

They rise to leave.

"While you are out. Please, do stop by the bakery and pick me up some more creme puffs."

-

* * *

They searched the park ending in nothing but tired empty thoughts. Tatsumi sat down on the bench as Tsuzuki went to join him. Then stops remembering what happened last time. He decides to stand instead. 

"Suki, why do you love him? He was in hiding for two years only to come out and..."

"Tatsumi, don't." Tsuzuki sqeezed his hand to a fist, but Tatsumi grabbed ahold of it.

'Tsuzuki! Please! Just hear me out."

The brunette sighed.

"I'm only telling you this because I care, Suki. Muraki is a danger to you. You want so bad to believe that he loved you, but in truth, Tsuzuki, he was just using you. You are just a puppet to him."

Tsuzuki pulled his hand away.

"What makes you any better, Tatsumi? You want so bad to be with me, too. You use words to encourage and gain yourself an advantage. You're no different then he is!"

"There is a difference, Suki."

"How is there a difference?" the brunette pushed.

Because I'm not just using you for my own lustful desires! I am in love with you!"

Tsuzuki backs away. "I can't deal with this right now..."

Tatsumi gritted his teeth. "Why do you keep avoiding me?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuzuki sat at his computer forgetting that he broke the keyboard. He sighed going over to Hisoka's.

"I hope he doesn't mind." He turned it on and clicked onto the search engine, typing in the word "Tantra." A whole list of catagories fall in front of his eyes.

"Where to go, where to go," he mumbled as he tapped on the first one. It came up with a restaruant in Tokyo, Japan.

"This has to be it. Hmm, "The Tantra." What kind of restaurant is this" Tsuzuki popped up a small screen viewing over the information.

The Tantra

Welcome to The Gentlemen's Club; the premier showcase in Tokyo, Japan for sophisticated and exotic entertainment. Here is where you will find the quality that you deserve! Our goal is to provide you, our guest, with the highest quality visual stimulation and mental titillation. All of our beautiful models are unique and delightful on stage and in person. This is a virtual playground, exclusively for gentlemen, enjoy a relaxing evening with friends or with clients. Escape from the ordinary. Experience what everyone's been talking about, where good taste meets good fun.

"Oh, this sounds interesting! I wonder what kind of shows they have? Nice restaurant. And it has shows. It must be expensive."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuzuki walked up to the entrance of the largly crowded club, only to be stopped as a large overly-muscled man stepped in front of him.

"Name?"

"Tsuzuki Asato."

The much larger man skimmed through a sheet in his hands. Quickly, he looks back at the excited shinigami, his eyes narrowed.

'Sorry, kid. Your name's not on here. No admittance."

Tsuzuki's jaw dropped.

"What! But that's impossible! I have to get in there."

"Oh, really?" The larger man crossed his arms moving in front of Tsuzuki.

"EEK!" Tsuzuki jumped back only to slam against Muraki's chest.

"Asato. You never cease to amuse me." the silver-haired doctor stated.

Startled, Tsuzuki looked back at the taller man in awe. Muraki wore a black cashmere turtleneck and matching slacks over which he wore a long white leather trenchcoat.

Mu...Muraki!" Tsuzuki stared at him as the platinum blonde grabbed his arm, pulling him up to the larger man in front of them.

"This man is with me, Gusta."

The giant man nodded and smiled, moving to one side.

"Of course, Dr. Muraki. Go right on in."

Tsuzuki gladly allowed Muraki to guide him as they passed the guard.

"You must be very popular here." he remarked.

Muraki looked over to his shinigami smirking.

"I am. I'm a regular at this strip club."

Tsuzuki stopped in his tracks.

"STRIP CLUB!! But I thought..."

Muraki pulled him closer touching his cheek.

"The Tantra is one of the most sophisticated establishments in Tokyo. The very finest, I assure you."

He nuzzled his face slowly to Tsuzuki's ear.

"I believe I owe you a payback."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------. Tsuzuki is in for a treat.

_Chapter Seven_: You can call me...Kaza.

_Note: _The Tantra is a real strip club in Tokyo japan.


	8. Chapter 7: You can call my Kaza

_Okay, before you read this part of the story there are three words that I would like to explain:_

_1: Kaza and Kai are Muraki's nicknames. _Kai will end up in the next Chapter.

_2: Dieses: In this chapter it is used as a rude gesture to someone taking over or taking the place of someone else's spot. Corny, I guess, but it will make sense once you read the chapter._

**Chapter Seven: You Can Call Me...Kaza**

_

* * *

_

Tsuzuki blushed remembering the time on the ship with Muraki. He shivered slightly.

The club was beautiful. It was filled with vibrant lights and loud music. There were scantily-clad females dancing along poles on two stages. And men gathered around them with money waving in their hands. Tsuzuki noticed a few of the less dressed females eyeing both him and the doctor as if they were prey. He grabbed harder onto Muraki's arm as the doctor lead them to the back of the club. A large foreboding man stood at the entrance.

"Where are you taking me, Katzuaka?"

Muraki grinned at the Shinigami. Then whispered something that Tsuzuki couldn't hear into the big bodyguard's ear.

The man nodded and opened the curtains to allow them to go through.

The room was spaced with three other doors that were draped with curtains. Muraki led them to the one on the far right.

Inside this room was a couch of plush violet and a chair the same color very close to a pole. The lights were very dim and somewhat romantic. Surrounding them were mirrors everywhere making the room larger than it really was. The room had a very erotic feel to it, especially with the soft thrumming of erotic music in the background.

Muraki guided the the younger man to the plush chair.

"What is this for?" The confused Shinigami protested, trying to get back up, but is soon stopped as Muraki pushed him back down.

"Your lap dance, of course."

"WHAT!?! By who?" The doctor placed a hand on the brunette's lips to hush him.

"One of the best female strippers in Japan."

Tsuzuki questioned him. "Female stripper!?"

Muraki raked his finger across the brunette's cheek cupping the back of his head.

"Would you prefer a man instead? Besides Minako is one of Japan's finest. At 5,000 a dance she quite hard to obtain and all yours to enjoy tonight."

"But...but," Tsuzuki protested, but again is hushed by a pale finger.

Suddenly a beautiful woman walked into the room. Her hair the color of ebony and piled on top with two loose buns, flowing ebony locks framed her face.Her eyes were a beautiful flaring color of blue, almost crystal in appearance. She wore a long elegant dress the color of black, making the gleam in her eyes even more brilliant. It fit tight around her waist and showed off at the top, leaving nothing to the imagination. She was quite confident and not afraid to show off her assets. Two of them being high up on her chest,unable to escape anyone's attention.

She smiled at Tsuzuki and noticed his confusion. She turned to the doctor.

"Good evening, my fair lady Minako. You look astonishing as always. I hope that our presence here tonight is a pleasant one upon your eyes," Muraki drawled kissing her hand.

She blushed. "Oh, Muraki-sensei, you do take my breath away. And who might this be?"

He looked over to the stunned Shinigami.

"This is Tsuzuki-san. He will be yours tonight."

She walked over toward the brunette examining his features.

"Oh! So cute! He has such beautiful eyes. Definitely, one of the handsomest men I have the chance to perform with. Where do you find them, Muraki?"

"'Them'!? Has Muraki brought others here?" Tsuzuki wondered frantically.

"Katzuaka have you..." he started.

Minako interrupted. "Muraki-sensei is very particular who he allows close to him.You are a very lucky man, Tsuzuki-san. He seems to be very fond of you, especially to have spent as much as he did," she reached to caress the brunette's cheek.

He jumped at her touch.

"Oh, this must be your first time," she giggled.

Muraki chuckled at seeing his guardian flustered.

"I have come to know that Tsuzuki-san is a man of many firsts."

Minako tapped her fingers to her lip.

"Oh, really? Well, then I'll be very gentle with him tonight. Shall I begin?"

"Kazutaka, I..." he notices Muraki sitting across from them on the big couch.

Minako touched his lips, bringing his attention back to her. "Hush, pretty one. He wants to watch you. Shall we give him a show?"

She slowly slid her hand across his cheek down to the nape of his neck. The music gradually gets louder as a sensual song starts to play. Tsuzuki couldn't help but be enticed by it. He jerked a little, feeling her hand rake at the buttons of his shirt.

"Relax, Tsuzuki-san. It's just a dance." With that, the brunette calmed a bit as she straddled on top of him. Her breasts just inches away from his mouth. He gasped feeling the warm flesh at his lips, then slide down over his body until her face was now inches away from his crouch. His face becomes warm as he looked over to the doctor.

Muraki wanted to see just how long his Shinigami could last. He smiled at the embarrassed guardian. Leaning down on the couch he opened his jacket then placed a slender finger in his mouth, softly sucking on it. Tsuzuki watched Muraki with hooded eyes, awe-struck. What was he doing? He watched the doctor slide his hand down his trousers slowly unbuttoning them.

The doctor closed his eyes as he worked his hand inside his pants. The Shinigami didn't know whether to watch the dancer or him, but somehow he just couldn't keep his eyes off Muraki's movements.

The woman came up to the brunette's face.

"Do you enjoy watching him? He is such a beautiful man," she noticed Tsuzuki staring at the doctor not the least bit perturbed.

She whispered in his ear. "I am willing to go all the way if you would like."

Tsuzuki looked at Muraki. The doctor's eyes closed and lean body sunk into the couch as he slowly stroked himself.

Tsuzuki looked at the dancer. She was beautiful, her moves were flawless as she grinded herself up against his groin. As enticing it was an offer that was not what was turning him on.

It was the sight on the couch that made him flush and weak in the knees. Watching the movements within the doctors pants, made Tsuzuki lick his lips. Damn him for being so sexy!

He brought his lips to her ear. Without thinking twice about his comment, he stated, "Could you leave us?"

Smiling knowingly, she pulled her head up. "I see. Who could possibly compare to such a beautiful man as that? As I said before, Tsuzuki-san, you are truly a lucky man." She kissed his cheek and rose to her feet.

Muraki felt a weight come over him. Tsuzuki straddled on top of him, his knees on either side of his thighs.

"You just let a 5,000 dance walk right out the door," the doctor observed.

"I found something more interesting," the brunette whispered.

"So it appears that way," Muraki opened his eyes to take in the beautiful Shinigami.

"You shouldn't tease me like that," Tsuzuki warned.

Slowly he slid his hand into the doctor's trousers as the pale man adjusted himself for the Shinigami.

"I thought you would want something a little different," Muraki replied, panting softly his voice barely above a whisper.

"What I want is this," Tsuzuki gripped harder to Muraki's heated length, stroking it faster and causing the blonde to moan.

Muraki reached to grabbed ahold of the guardian's face slamming his lips against his own. Tsuzuki pushed his already erect penis against Muraki's. Dominance against dominance; passion against passion. But this was Muraki's payback. He wasn't going to let his Shinigami get away with it that easily. If he wanted it he would have to fight for it. Muraki suddenly pulled Tsuzuki hand out, only for the brunette to pin them against the couch. Shocked, Muraki looked at his guardian.

"So, this is how you want to play it, hmm?" he drawled.

Tsuzuki bit at the doctor's tender ear. "I told you what I wanted. Now, I want it even more."

The brunette firmly ground his hips against Muraki's.

"Bold, aren't we?" Muraki panted, feeling the sweet sensation of Tsuzuki against his own throbbing length.

Muraki licked at the Shinigami's neck, tracing his tongue up to the soft ear.  
"But not bold enough."

Muraki pulled free from the younger man's grip, throwing them behind the Shinigami's back.

"Katzuaka..." was all Tsuzuki could utter. The blonde pulled him up on his knees so that Tsuzuki's throbbing cock was directly in front of Muraki's mouth. He breathed softly on the fabric holding his prize within it.

Tsuzuki gasped, "Kaz..."

Muraki pulled one of his hands from behind his Shinigami and raked at the fabric with his fingertips.

"Mine," he breathed hotly.

Muraki slowly unbuttoned the brunette's pants, followed by the zipper to reveal the weeping erection.

"All mine," he whispered before devouring it whole in his hot mouth, tasting the sweet and salty skin.

Tsuzuki moaned loudly. How did he end up in this position? Wasn't he just the one on top of Muraki? Oh, but it felt so good. His knees started to buckle as the sensation built to a fevered pitch around his pulsing member.

Muraki let go of his hands and cupped his hands onto Tsuzuki's rump to give him more leverage.

"Oh! Katzu...so good...more...nuhhh!"

The guardian slammed his hands against the mirror in front of him fighting to hold himself up. "Your...mouth...so good."

The doctor pulled him completely in, grazing his teeth lightly as he licked his way up to the weeping tip. An expert in his mastery of fellatio, he overwhelmed the Shinigami as he could hear the pants and moans become louder and louder. It spurred him on to lash his tongue wildly against the swollen shaft.

Frantic, Tsuzuki grabbed a hold of the older man's hair and slid his fingers through the silkly strands. Trying to thrust into Muraki's eager mouth he found his hips being held tightly by the doctor.

"Ahhh! Katzu! Uhhh...Nuhhh...Katzu!"

The Shinigami threw his head back as his climax hit him hard. His body convlused wildly as he screamed Muraki's name, overcome with pleasure.

Muraki lapped at the spent length, drinking every drop of his guardian's sweet essence.

Tsuzuki fell onto the blonde's lap panting heavily.

"That was unfair of you. You had me at an disadvantage."

"How is that so, Asato?"

"Well..."

The doctor combed his fingers through the brunette's dark hair, causing the Shinigami to forget what it was he was going to say. Muraki leaned over to kiss him. The brunette moaned softly, his body still sensitive to his touch.

"You better not or we're going to end up in another round. Only this time it will be you screaming my name," the brunette boasted.

Muraki licked at Tsuzuki's upper lip. "Enticing, but we must go."

They leave out of the room as most of the people within the strip club look over to them.

"Did they hear us?" Tsuzuki asked, mortified.

"You were pretty loud, my Shinigami," Muraki teased.

Tsuzuki blushed deep red as they walked past the bewildered crowd, overhearing a man say:

"I wish I had whatever dancer he got."

Deeply embarrassed, Tsuzuki hid his face in Muraki's neck trying to stop his face getting any redder then it already was. Muraki just smiled walking them toward the door.

* * *

Muraki led Tsuzuki to a shiny black Viper, gleaming and magestic in the moonlight. 

"Wow! Is this your car?" Tsuzuki gaped at its beautiful curves, restraining himself not to run his hands over the pristine finish.

"Yes, Asato. It is mine," Muraki said smoothly.

"Aren't these expensive?"

Muraki tapped a button on a small remote device. The doors promptly opened.

"Yes it is. You're looking at about $90,000, but it not even close to the cost I spent on the Saleen S7 at no less then $560,000."

Tsuzuki looked wide-eyed at the doctor.

"Well, sometimes a person has to indulge himself. Wouldn't you agree? You do indulge, do you not, Asato?"

Tsuzuki looked away shyly. "Umm, well," he felt a hand underneath his chin turning him toward a serious face. The doctor waited patiently for an answer.

"I'm hungry..." Tsuzuki whined.

The blonde smiled at him.

"And so we shall eat," he revved the sleek car. It purred beautifully and Tsuzuki smiled. So powerful! So fast, yet Muraki handled it with expert precision. Tsuzuki never knew that a piece of mechanics could be so breathtaking. It reminded him of Sakura and the amazing power he felt when he summoned her. The power she weilded and his to control over that awesome power. The beauty she possessed and the feeling that overcame him. "This is mine."

"Kaza?"

Muraki looked over toward the Shinigami, surprised.

"Did you just call me Kaza?"

Tsuzuki blinked back at him.

"Yes. Why? Do you not want me to call you that?"

Muraki smiled at his concern. "No, Asato. It is fine that you call me that. Ah, here we are."

Tsuzuki looked up to see a towering building.

"Wow! This is your house?"

Muraki grabbed Tsuzuki's hand."

"My parents. It came to me after their death."

Tsuzuki was astounded. "It's so big," he breathed.

Suddenly, Muraki laughed.

"That is not the first time I heard you say that," he teased.

Tsuzuki blushed terribly.

Chuckling, Muraki prompted, "Come Asato, let's go inside."

The house looked picturesque, passed down from generation to generation. The surroundings were crowded with trees and rose bushes of every kind. It looked to be something from an English manor-style. Even with the dark gothic atmosphere, it seemed to be a welcoming place.

"Make yourself at home. I'll go and prepare us something to eat," the doctor offered.

The interior was even more complex, Victorian style throughout. In front of Tsuzuki was a stair case majestic and large. A large chandlier loomed over the entryway, causing Tsuzuki to stare at it in wonder. To his left seemed to be a sitting room with a large, cozy fireplace giving the room a warm glow. Tapestries and paintings and many potted plants filled every space and the brunette struggled to take it all in.

Muraki came back with two glasses and a bottle of sake. He directed Tsuzuki into the room which held the fireplace.

The doctor handed him a glass of the cool beverage and took a sip of his own.

"Please, do sit Asato. It is going to take a while."

Noticing the concerned look on the brunette's features he placed his glass down.

"Is there something wrong?"

Tsuzuki took a hard swallow of his sake, still not learning the value of wine sipping.

"Kaza, did you commit those murders?" he asked softly.

Muraki sighed.

"I knew this would come up sooner or later."

Tsuzuki looked at him seriously.

"Well, did you?"

He knew how persistant Tsuzuki is on these matters, especially involving innocent lives. Such a good heart. But such an inappropriate time to be having this discussion.

"Would you of liked me to?"

"No! Of course not!"

The doctor picked up his sake. Drinking some more as he looked at Tsuzuki.

"What would you do then if I did, Asato?"

Tsuzuki hated it when he was like this. It was a side of Muraki that turned him on, much to his chagrin, but it also made him so mad.

"Why is it that every time I ask you a simple question, you have to turn it back on me with one? Why don't you just answer it!" he fumed.

Muraki knew he was getting under the brunette's skin. He loved seeing Tsuzuki angry. The way the violet-eyed man fumbled with his clothes and bit his bottom lip. It was cute. The doctor had to turn his head away from the enticing Shinigami so as not to grab and take Tsuzuki then and there.

"What would be the point, Asato? If I answered no would you believe me?" he challenged.

Would he? He really couldn't answer that question. Damn him for being so weak. To not just say that he would not and be done with it. But something said maybe just maybe he didn't.

"The Shinigami are going to kill you, don't you see, Kaza? You are a..."

Muraki looked at him angerily. He knew all to well what Tsuzuki was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. Not now when he and his Shinigami were together like this. He knew what he was and he didn't need to be reminded of it.

"No, Asato. That is the answer. I did not commit those murders."

Tsuzuki reached over to him, looking straight into his silver eyes, wanting to see if he could see any difference in his confession. Something to give him away.

"But all the evidence is clearly pointed to you. The way they died, even the roses as clues," Tsuzuki countered.

"Well, I must have quite an admirer." Muraki's gaze was unwavering.  
"Kaza, this is not a joke?" Tsuzuki pressed, wanting to be sure.

Muraki eyes narrowed.

"I am being quite serious, Asato."

Please, let it be so, he thought.

A buzzer sounded from another room.

"If you will excuse me, Asato. I believe our dinner is ready."

Tsuzuki knew deep down that Muraki didn't commit those murders. He just could feel it. Before, Muraki committed those crimes to draw Tsuzuki to him. But now that he was with him willingly, what could possibly be his motive?

Then who is committing them? And why are they making it seem like it is Muraki?

The door bell rang, jarring Tsuzuki out of his thoughts. He expected a servant to answer it, but no one came. The bell rang again and again.  
Tsuzuki got up and answered.

"I demand you open this...oh!"

Tsuzuki opened the door slowly.

It was a very pretty woman, slender and elegantly dressed. Her long blonde hair fitted into a bun with little curls hanging and framing her face. Her eyes were of a clear blue and she was about the same height as Tsuzuki. She wore a long green coat that looked expensively tailored.

"Oh! It can't be!" she started. "It's you!" Suddenly her face twisted angerly.

"Move out of my way, you little disease!"

She forcefully pushed her way in, shoving Tsuzuki to the side.

"Wait! Madam, I...I don't think you should," Tsuzuki flustered.

But she ignored him as she strutted around the entry way. "Where the hell are you! You son of a bitch!" she bellowed.

The doctor came down the hall holding a tray with two dishes on it.

"Asato, what's seem to be..."

He then noticed the woman staring furiously at him. He smiled warmly.

"Finally, I found you Doctor Katzuaka Muraki!" she huffed.

Still smiling, Muraki set the tray down at the nearest table.

"Ukyou. It has been a while, hasn't it?" Muraki glanced over to the puzzled Shinigami.

"But how rude of you not to introduce yourself to my guest. I would at least think you to be lady like enough to do that."

Muraki turned to face the guardian.

"Asato, I sincerely apologize. This here is Ukyou, my fiancée."

Shocked, Tsuzuki's mouth hung open.

"Fiancée!"

* * *

**Chapter Eight**: Hidden Truths 

_What a surprise to poor Tsuzuki. Muraki has a Fianc'ee. What will possibly happen now? I feel a little cat fight. Ok maybe not one. but there certainly is some tension going on..._

_**Tsuzuki goes and pouts in the corner**. I really wanted a cat fight..._


	9. Chapter 8 : Hidden Truths

_Sorry everybody. I know it has been a while sense I last updated this story. I was in a bit of a writers block with it, But I found my muse and she gave me what I was looking for in this story. So it will be updated sooner now.YAY!! koodles!_

_Anyway reverting back to this story. Tsuzuki finds out unexpectedly that Muraki has a Fiancee. Go figure huh. But that's not all that is going on in this world of Yami No Matsuei. Ofcourse not. What would a story be without good drama and suspense. not to mention emotions of chacters. So evil but so right. HA HA HA.Things get a bit deeper... _

**Chapter Eight: Hidden Truths**

* * *

Tatsumi was always a quiet man. He would sit in his office for hours just looking over paperwork and bills. But there was always something that brought him out of that silent life. Tsuzuki. 

The violet-eyed man was always something Tatsumi could feel happy around yet at the same time made him nervous. Tsuzuki was the only person that could break Tatsumi out of his stern ways. Always causing the man to calm down and relax. He always gave into Tsuzuki whenever the younger shinigami got into trouble. Why? A stupid question to ask himself, he thought. Because I love him that's why.

But whenever I try to talk to him about it he avoids me completely.  
Tatsumi balls his fists. It because of him I feel myself slipping. I am no longer that patient man who indulges in paperwork and calming music. It is because of him I am pacing this floor, biting at my once pristine nails to the core. It is because of him I am jealous of the man who he is spending this hour with right now.

Tatsumi impatiently had been waiting for Tsuzuki to return to the office. After the incident in the park earlier he already knew Tsuzuki was hiding something from him. Not to mention when they left the office before they went out on their mission. Tatsumi seen the little note crumpled in the wastebasket. Unintentionally he read it.

* * *

The place was very traditional. Like in old Japan. The style suited it well. The garden was breathtaking, to say the least. Tatsumi didn't engulf himself into the serene scene before him though as he had more pressing matters to attend to. Looking at his watch he heard the sound of rustling fabric. Looking up he sees a man no taller then himself dressed in a mahogany yutaka and holding a pipe in one hand. His features were masculine more then feminine and he had a mysterious look around his amber eyes. The man was no doubt attractive. But did not hold a candle to the pure beauty of Tsuzuki. 

"Why have you come here?" The man bluntly states to the secretary.

"I believe you have some very valuable information for me," Tatsumi walked in closer to meet the other's eyes.

Oriya smiled at the man before him.

"Oh, is that so? Enlighten me then. What is it you would like to know?"

Tatsumi responded. "I believe you already know that question, Mr. Oriya."

More amused with their conversation, he snickered.

"It never ceases to surprise me about you shinigami. Always thinking ahead of yourself," he takes a puff of his pipe. "Truly, Mr. Tatsumi, is it because of Muraki you are here or is it because you believe that is who your partner is with right now?"

Oyira looked for any look of difference in the man's eyes but sees nothing.

"Well I haven't seen Muraki. From what I remembered he was killed saving one of your shinigami's ass."

There it was. Just what Oriya was looking for. Tatsumi eyes shifted to anger.

"Cut the crap, Oriya! I know Muraki is alive and he is quite well. But I can see I am not going to get a straight answer from you so I will tell you this. Muraki is wanted by Lord Emma himself and the shinigami of Meifu will do anything in their power to capture him. If you don't want your place to be raided and destroyed I suggest you tell your friend to turn himself in. I wouldn't want to have to use force."

The swordman's face showed not a hint of emotion.

"You Shinigami are all alike. Always having to using warnings to get your way."

The shadows moved about the secretary's feet causing an eerie darkness around the garden between Oriya and himself. Oriya backed away slightly noticing the Shinigami being engulfed in the dark mists.

"Oh, it's not a warning, Mr. Oriya. I assure you of that."

The shadowmaster disappeared out of sight leaving the dark-brown haired man shaking his head in disbelief.

"Muraki, what have you gotten yourself into this time?" He sighed as he walks back into the restaurant.

* * *

The moment was intense. The silence overbearing. That was until she broke it. 

"Kia, I would like to have a word with you alone." She looks over toward the still shocked brunette giving him an evil glare.

Muraki glanced over to Tsuzuki then directed the woman into the kitchen.

Tsuzuki didn't know whether to run out the door or stay. Muraki had a fiancée. At this moment he felt very unwelcome and thought thoroughly on leaving. What did Muraki need him here anyway? Then anger set in. No! I think I will stay. I deserve answers!

He walked into the room he was recently in with Muraki earlier and grabbed the bottle of saki.

"So you found him, huh?" Ukyou turned to him with sadness in her eyes.

"I never thought you would," she sighed looking quickly away from him.

"I remember when that picture of him was your only obsession. You swore you would find him. I never believed you. Obviously, I was wrong."

Muraki just let her talk as that is what she came for. So he leaned against the counter listening to her.

"Are you intimate with him?" She knew that was a stupid question. But she also knew she wanted to hear it from him.

Nothing though. She knew better. This was how it was always with them. It angered her. She could never get him to respond to her questions. It was always about him. She hated him for that. Out of spite she answered her own question back.

"Of course you are. He probably lured you into it, right?"

Muraki smiled looking at her sad-ridden eyes.

"No. Actually, Ukyou, I did that to him."

She clenched her hands into fists at hearing that response. She truly loved him. But he seemed to care nothing of it.

"Why? Why do you act like this with me? Have I ever meant anything to you? Do you hate me that much?" Tears started falling down her face.

Muraki sighed. "No. I do not hate you, Ukyou. You should know that."

"Then where have you been!?"

Her voice raises catching him off guard.

"I have been worried and cried to Oriya about your disappearance. We are supposed to get married! Doesn't that matter to you? Because it sure seemed like it did before. It's him, isn't it? He has done this to you! He has changed you. God, Kia! What are you thinking? He's a man! You can never have a relationship that promises..."

She stops as she knew her anger had gotten the best of her.

Don't you want to have children, Kia? A family? I can give you that. I can be anything you want me to be. Isn't that what you wanted? He..."

She stuttered for a moment before continuing.

"He can't give you what I can. He is just someone you had a fling with, am I right? You truly don't love him. I know you, Kia. He is just a fling that you will throw away with the rest of them."

She walked up to the blonde man grabbing his hand and hugging him tight. She whispered in his ear.

"Besides do you honestly know if he loves you? Do you? Do you honestly think it will last between you two? Will he love you no matter what unconditionally? Like I have."

Muraki knew that she was right. Would Tsuzuki love him even with the crimes of his past? Tsuzuki is a good person. His heart drops when he sees people hurt. I have hurt people. I have hurt his partner. Killed him. Now Tsuzuki adores me but the reality is he will never forgive me and always have that doubt in me. He doesn't even believe me in these murders. Does he really love me or is Ukyou right about it just being a fling? Or maybe even a guilt for saving his life? His thoughts were interrupted.

"Kia, come with me. I'll forget this ever happened."

"I can't do that," His answer was simple. Even if it had consequences.

"Do you not love me?" She was sobbing now.

"I am not leaving him, not even for you, Ukyou."

Muraki just needed to know if Tsuzuki really did love him or in fact it was just an infatuation. A guilty conscious in return for saving the violet-eyed Shinigami.

"Then I guess that answers my question," Tears fall endlessly down her face as she lets go of him.

* * *

Muraki enters the den seeing Tsuzuki holding the bottle of saki. 

"You never told me you had a fiancee."

Muraki is amused at the brunette's jealously. Especially after his previsions conversation.

"You never asked."

Outraged, he turns toward the doctor.

"Should I have to!"

The Shinigami chugs away at the remainder of the bottle.

"Asato, why are you drinking that bottle of saki like that?"

The brunette could only give him a cold stare which quickly turned to hurt.

"Kaza, I'm...I'm sorry. I should have left. I don't mean to be a burden."

Muraki walked over to the saddened Shinigami holding him from behind.

"Asato, I am here with you, am I not?"

"But she is..." He choked out his words. "Your fiancée. I'm just a..."

Muraki touched his lips lightly with his finger.

"You are the world to me, Asato."

The brunette laid his head against the taller man's chest. Muraki walked them over to the couch, laying himself and Tsuzuki onto it. Tsuzuki cuddled next to Muraki. He smiled as his words slur out in a sleepy yawn

"I love you, Kaza."

The doctor kissed him on the forehead watching his drunk Shinigami fall into a state of sleep. He rubs his fingers through the strands of dark hair.

"I do hope you mean that."

* * *

**Chapter Nine:** Why?

_Please leave reviews and comments... _

_In the next chapter things get a little deeper and darker._


	10. Chapter 9: Why?

_To all my readers.I promised a more darker chapter. here it is..._

**Chapter Nine : Why?

* * *

**

Tsuzuki jumped up quickly falling off the couch. Rubbing his head, he remembers where he is at.

"I must have drifted off. I have to go."

The one thing he didn't want was anyone at Meifu suspicious of his whereabouts, especially Tatsumi. He was suppose to go over his house tonight for a recap on their mission.

"Kazu?"

The brunette notices that Muraki is gone. He gets up fixing himself and sees a note laying on the table.

_I didn't want to wake you as you looked so peaceful and beautiful lying there._

_ Beside,s if I did wake you, I would of not made it out the door._

_However, when I return, I will see to it that I will make it up to you properly._

The Shinigami smiles and looked at his watch. It was around 10 o'clock or so.

"I would love to stay but I have to go. If Tatsumi knew I was with you right now he would probably have my head."

He talked as though his lover was right in the room with him. But all that was there was the flickering shadow of his silhouette from the glowing embers in the fireplace.

"But I promise I'll be back."

* * *

Tsuzuki nervous, knocks on the shadow master's door. He waited but there was no answer.

"Well, maybe he is sleeping. No. He can't be sleeping. He'll kill me when he realizes I wasn't here for this meeting."

Finally, the door opened. Tsuzuki dreads the worst. But, Tatsumi is not mad. The guardian is shocked.

The younger Shinigami exhales in relief.

"Um, sorry I'm late, Tatsumi."

The younger man thought maybe Tatsumi doesn't know what time it really was. Maybe Tatsumi didn't notice the clock and scanned the digits to see that it was passed nine.

"Come in, Tsuzuki. I don't like keeping my door open. Besides, it is after ten and I have dinner waiting on the table," The shadow master evenly stated toward the violet-eyed man. Not a sign of annoyance or discontent. The secretary was actually in good spirits.

Tatsumi closes the door behind Tsuzuki and pulls the brunette's jacket off. Wow! He really is being nice even after what happened earlier between us. This new development made the brunette feel uneasy.

"I made a quick Bach of pepper beef and steamed vegetables. Frankly one of my favorite dishes to make," The older man said with a cheerful voice noticing Tsuzuki unease.

Tsuzuki takes a seat across from the secretary. Trying hard to ignore the other man's behavior.

"It looks really good. And I haven't eaten all day."

"Good. Then you should be very hungry. I hope I made enough."

Tatsumi placed a glass in front of Tsuzuki, pouring a clear liquid into it.

"Here. Why not have a drink? It compliments the food."

Tsuzuki felt sick at the idea of drinking any more alcohol. He was still a little tipsy on the saki he had earlier.

"Um, no thanks. I am not really thirsty."

Tatsumi raised a brow, but kept up his cheerful manner.

"Tsuzuki turning down a drink? This is a surprise. Please, I insist."

Tatsumi poured a little of the white wine into his own glass. Tsuzuki got a better view of the bottle and notices it is the same drink they had at the restaurant. He was about to ask Tatsumi if it was, but Tatsumi seemed to read his mind.

"It is the same wine we had at the restaurant. I bought the bottle. Since we really didn't get to enjoy much of it I thought, why not."

Tsuzuki cringed at the wine remembering what it made him feel like before.

"Um, Tatsumi, this wine doesn't seem to agree with me. When I had it before it made me feel kind of weird."

Tatsumi laughed shaking his head.

"The wine is an old vintage. You drank it like it was water. Of course, you are going to feel weird. This kind of wine you have to sip."

"Oh," Tsuzuki felt a bit dumb. Of course, gulping down an age-old wine knowing you haven't eaten anything all day was going to give you some pretty peculiar feelings. The brunette took the wine and sipped a little of it. Tatsumi stares intensly at him.

"Where have you been all day, Suki?"

Here it was. The question Tsuzuki had been dreading. Of course, Tsuzuki being Tsuzuki couldn't come up with a good enough excuse.

"Well, I went to the bakery. But I didn't have any money." He paused changing the subject completely.

"You know, I really think I should get a raise for all the hard..." knowing this would get the secretary's attention. Tatsumi cut him off.

"Do you really think you deserve a raise, Tsuzuki?"

"Of course, I do. I've been working with this burial for more then seventy years and have never even been mentioned for a raise," he sipped his wine. This time it tasted better then the first time.

Thank god Tatsumi told him about sipping vintage wines than just chugging it down. They taste much better this way.

Tatsumi continued to stare at Tsuzuki. The younger man began feeling uncomfortable. Why was Tatsumi staring at him like that? The guardian started getting nervous.

"Is there something wrong, Tsuzuki?"

"Um, I, um, well."

The brunette started feeling dizzy. The food wavering in front of him. Vegetables and beef dancing. It was that feeling again. But this time it was stronger. He felt sick to his stomach. His fork fell to the ground with a loud clank. The guardian abruptly backed his chair up and stood almost toppling over.

"Tsuzuki, what is wrong?"

"I...I'm having that feeling again. I feel..." He leaned against the chair for support as the touch tingles his hand. His body started feeling flushed and sweaty. The shinigami loosened his tie. Suddenly, he feels he cannot breath.

"I need some water. I'll be fine once I have some water," he mumbles.

He stumbles into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, but drops it. Panicking his words slur out.

"I'm sorry, Tatsumi! I...I'll clean it up. I'm sorry."

Tsuzuki grabbed a towel, but fell against the counter losing his balance. Tatsumi calmly held the shaken brunette.

"Calm down, Tsuzuki. It's okay. Maybe you should lie down."

Tsuzuki couldn't resist him. It was like his body was acting of its own. His eyes were becoming heavy. As much as he wanted to just puke his guts out nothing would come. His legs felt like spagetti, but still he was able to stand and walk in the direction Tatsumi was taking him. But not by his own free will.

They enter into a room Tsuzuki has not seen before. A queen-size bed fit in the corner of the room covered in tan colored blankets. The room was in orange and brown and hurt the younger shinigami eyes a bit. Tatsumi noticed this as the violet-eyed man squinted and turned the light down to a lower setting.

"Tatsumi, alcohol has never done this to me before. This doesn't feel like I'm drunk."

Tatsumi stopped before the bed turning the younger man around to meet his eyes.

"It's not suppose to, Tsuzuki."

The brunette tried to focus on the secretary, puzzled.

"What are you talking about? Not supposed to get me drunk? Then, what is it suppose to do?" The brunette realized Tatsumi intentions.

"Every time I ask you to talk to me about us, you avoid it completely. You tease me, act like you want me then push me away. All you have been doing is playing with my emotions and I can't take it anymore. You want to be with some fucking sadistic killer who probably is just using you for his own sick pleasures. And you push me away! If I knew you wanted someone like Muraki, if I knew you wanted to just be taken advantage of and thrown aside afterwards..." he slammed the shocked brunette onto the bed.

"Fuck it! I'll just show you then how much a Muraki I can be!"

Tsuzuki felt like he was going to fall forever. But came to comprehend he was lying on a bed and Tatsumi was straddling him.

"Tatsumi what are you doing?!"

The purple-eyed guardian tried to shout but only sounded weak and helpless.

"What I have been wanting to do for so long."

"Tatsumi! No! Stop!" The older man covers the other man's mouth with his hand.

"Shut up! This is the way you wanted it. You could have just given yourself to me. Or at least not lead me on to believe different!"

The shadow master ran his hand down toward Tsuzuki pants, ripping the brunette's belt open, the button completely off from its thread. The secretary glided his hand along with the zipper opening. Tsuzuki screamed shaking his head frantically at the man above him. But Tatsumi ignored it completely.

"If a sadistic man like Muraki can have you, whycan't I!"

The older man squeezed tighter onto the others mouth.

"Please," his voice cracks as tears start to fall from his blue eyes. He could hear the other man underneath him crying himself. But Tatsumi was in his own world of grief. He wanted Tsuzuki to want him, desire his touch. But, sadly, the secretary could only see the hurt in those tear-stained eyes, nothing more.

"Please. Just tell me why? How is it he can have you and I can't?"

Anger rose in his voice again and it wasn't until he opened his eyes back up that he realized he was choking the smaller man. He let go quickly, rising off the crying Shinigami, scared as much as Tsuzuki.

"He did this to you! Drove me mad with frustration. I just wanted to touch, to feel for you to be mine." Tatsumi mind wrestled with the thoughts.

Tsuzuki regained himself rubbing his neck. He could see the sheer fear in the secretary's eyes. Still jumbled himself, Tsuzuki touched Tatsumi's shoulder

"Tatsumi, it's okay. I...I..."

"No! No, Tsuzuki! It's not okay."

The older man snatched the other's wrists, gripping so tight to almost breaking them. Tsuzuki tries to recoil back but Tatsumi slammed him against the headboard. The impact so hard that Tsuzuki starts to bleed from his skull. Tsuzuki winced at the pain tilting his head to the side, causing the blood to run down the side of his face.

Tatsumi not caring but for only his own selfish needs, rips open the brunette's shirt, touching the Shinigami's bare chest.

"Please, just let me."

Tsuzuki still quite dizzy tries to pull away.

"Tatsumi, I...I can't." Fear etched his voice.

"No! Don't tell me you can't."

Tatsumi voice raises again and he snatches the brunette's face hard forcing a kiss onto him. His fingers dug into the younger Shinigami's jaw line. Tsuzuki forcefully tries to pull away, but the drink and whatever Tatsumi put in it was causing his fingers to feel numb against the shadow master.

Tsuzuki felt faint blow to his head, but he wasn't going to let this happen to him. He bit down onto Tatsumi's tongue as the older Shinigami gasped letting the brunette's mouth go. Tsuzuki felt a hard slap against his cheek.

Tsuzuki couldn't believe this was happening. Especially that it was Tatsumi that was doing it.  
Tatsumi trailed his lips down the brunette's neck finishing his assault by entering his hand into the younger Shinigami pants. Tsuzuki closed his eyes. It was hopeless to fight him. He let his body sag against Tatsumi's in defeat. The brunette closed his eyes as the tears started falling. He thought that maybe if he closed them it would take him to another world away from this dreadful reality. His mouth tasted of metallic and he knew he was bleeding.

His heart sank he trusted this man, trusted him with every ounce of his heart. Believed that this man would never put him in harm's way yet he was the one harming him now and with that said he could only think of one word to say.

"Why? Why? Whywhywhywhy?" he continued to sob the word endlessly.

This caught Tatsumi off guard as he looked up at Tsuzuki in horror.

"Oh gods! What have I done?"

The secretary backed away.

"Tsuzuki! I'm..."

"Don't touch me!"

Tsuzuki was frantic. He rose from the bed, almost falling to the ground. His whole body hurt, his head hurt. But most importantly his heart hurt.

The secretary watched in sheer horror as Tsuzuki runs out quickly not caring about anything or how bad he really was off he just wanted to get away as quick as he could. He didn't care if it hurt him with every step he took and he never once looked back. And Tatsumi didn't run after him.

* * *

Muraki always hated the midnight shift. He used to think it was always just a waste of time. Staying in a hospital during such hours when he could be doing much more better things with his time.

But, as a doctor you are never off duty. This night was no exception. He was sitting next to a patient giving her one of her nightly doses of morphine. She had cancer of the lungs. And knowing that he would rather spend his time at home cuddling next to his beloved Shinigami some more, the patient specifically asked for him. She always asked only for him. She wouldn't let anyone else near her if he wasn't there. But sometimes patients tend to become attached to there caregivers.

Muraki knew this all to often. As people just loved to see his face. But, then again,  
Muraki always knew how to talk to his patients. Such was his way. He just had that aura about him that people just couldn't get enough of. He knew he could have anyone at his beck and call. All the nurses just melt over him even certain doctors seemed to glare. He could easily make due with all them and be on his way.

But to his surprise one particular person caught his interest. At first he thought it was lust, a need to touch, to conquer those violet eyes. That was all he needed. Just to break him. But it wasn't so he wanted more. Something the doctor thought he would never do ever in his life. The one thing he dreaded more then anything.

He fell in love. And it wasn't as though he was questioning if it was true or not. The blonde knew he had fallen for the Shinigami, but what he questioned was why. Why was he feeling that this man he had love for should love him back? And if truly Tsuzuki could love him, why would he?

He thought, "I've done nothing but hurt him. Force myself onto him. Why should he love me? Why would he?"

"Mrs. Juiga, it is time for you to take your shot. Where would you like it this time?"

In a wispy voice the older woman responded.

"Dr. Muraki, it has been such a bad day for me. I refuse to eat any of this nasty hospital food and utterly am disgusted with the staff of nurses. It is all to good to see your face again," she sighed coughing a little. "I would like it in my arm today."

The doctor pushed the needles into her arm releasing the fluid.

"There now. You will feel no pain in a moment."

She touches the pale man's hand.

"I never have asked you this before, but do you have a wife, Doctor?"

He gently released her arm from his.

"No, I do not. But I am seeing someone."

"I can tell. You can always tell when someone is happy even with the most stern of faces. But I see worry in those eyes."

"Really?" Muraki cocked an eyebrow at her.

She pulled her hair back away from her sunken eyes'.

"I might be old, Doctor, but I have been in love with my husband for fifty-six years. They say that true love happens out of nowhere. It is when the whole world stops breathing and it is only you and that other person. You remember every detail of that moment. Almost like a picture right down to their clothes you remember..." She sighed.

"When you find it, Doctor, you'll know. Love is very powerful. Love would protect you, even die for you. Believe me, I had first chance at it with mine."

Muraki allowed her to continue as she looked to see if he was listening. Why she was telling him this he wasn't quite sure. But something caught his interest in the matter.

"We were heading home from a picture show. It was raining very hard that night and the roads were quite slippery.. He was turning up the radio to a song I liked. That is when it happened. The car veered off toward a cliff. The car only being suspended by a broken rail. I was scared, crying. I knew this was the end for us. He slowly opened my door and told me he loved me. Then abruptly pushed me out. I screamed. The car was gone and all I heard was a loud crash. I didn't understand then why he did it. But I realized he loved me and he wanted me to live my life knowing this. It happened twenty years ago. And still to this day I don't hate him for it. I love him even more. His heart was his sacrifice, his death was his love. That is what I believe it was."

Muraki thought back. He had never risked his life for another. But this was what he had done for his Shinigami. Still, did his guardian of death feel the same way?

Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted as the door swings open. His eyes widen at seeing it was Tsuzuki. The guardian was swaggering and blood had trailed down his face from his head and mouth. His clothes were torn.

"Kazu, I had no one else...to turn...to. I'm sorry."

Tsuzuki stepped forward, his eyes growing heavy. Muraki recognized this sign all too well.

The doctor gets up quickly toward the brunette as he falls into the blonde's arms.

"Asato!?"

* * *

**Chapter Ten** : What you can or can't have. 

**Just some facts about the chapter**

_I named this chapter Why because I wanted to really made that word show in it. Every character in this chapter is saying why to something._

_Tatsumi is saying why did you choose him over me. Why wont you give me a chance._

_Muraki is saying why do I feel this way about him.It was only suppose to be lust not love._

_Tsuzuki though had the strongest emphasis of this word which was simply stated in the fic. WHY!!_

_If I confused you please tell me._


	11. Chapter 1o : What you can and can 't Hav

_This chapter tells more about what happened in the last chapter . A Tsuzuki POV. _

_Sorry to all the big Tatsumi fans out there. In this story I really wanted to show Tatsumi need for Tsuzuki.In the beinging of this chapter I really put the shadow master into showing us how much.The pain, regret and desire. All into one scene._

_In this I could really feel Tatsumi pain. The feeling of wanting someone so bad. but not able to have them. knowing that they don't feel the same for you.It makes you do some crazy things. At least in Tatsumi case._

**Chapter Ten: What you can or can't Have

* * *

**

The secretary touched the red-stained sheet knowing well enough the blood was not his own. He slammed a fist hard at the wall screaming out his anger, only to fall forward leaning his head beside the new hole that he just recently made.

"Tsuzuki!" He called out.

Grabbing ahold of his half-erected length, he began stroking it. He could still feel the heat from Tsuzuki body as he imagined himself touching the other man. Violently, he thrashes at his member, rubbing it harder and harder. Breathing heavily, his hand gripped hard the headboard. He closed his eyes as a deep and hard moan escapes his mouth causing him to jerk his head up as he realeases himself.

"Tsuzuki..."

The man of shadows gets up from the bed, pulling off the sheets and covers and places them in a pile in the corner. He then pulls off his own clothes and throws them into the pile. He walkd into his kitchen, naked and takes a drink from the wine they had earlier. The secretary notices the broken glass on his kitchen floor and smirks dropping the bottle in his hand as it also breaks, hitting the ground. He walked into the bathroom turning on the water as hot as he could get it. It didn't really matter anyway. He stepped into the tub as the heat scorches his feet but he just goes in sitting down. The steam now covering the bathroom with a light mist. He leaned down watching the blood from his body wash off and laughs. Softly at first, then becoming louder until finally they turn into sobs. He covers his face wiping the tears looking up at the ceiling.

"Tsuzuki, I'm sorry."

* * *

Tsuzuki sat outside on a patio overseeing a large flower garden. The sight was truly beautiful as the moon cascaded a glowing hue on the field of various colors. But the brunette thoughts were far from the pleasant sight. His eyes just stared blankly ahead of him. Visions of just hours before flooding his mind. The Shinigami head was pounding, his neck stiff. Again that wasn't the thing that had him in this state of utter lost. Disturbingly, he was remembering back to what had occurred between him and Tatsumi. Now that the drug had worn off and his senses was completely coherent, the guardian could remember everything that had happened. Everything. 

_"Tatsumi had thrown me onto the bed intent on raping me. It started out so slow. Tatsumi had pinned me down. I didn't know what to make of this. What to say. It was Tatsumi after all. He touched me and I asked him what was he doing. Yet the words seemed so meaningless to him. He simply told me what he wanted. His body did the same as he pressed it down onto me. At this, I told him to stop. This must of made him mad because now his hand was on my mouth. All that came out were muffled sounds. He wasn't looking at me at all but to my body and his hand wandered down tearing open my belt and pants."_

_"I squirmed from this, but that was all. It wasn't until I felt pressure beneath me, hard and cold and painful that I realized what was going on. I screamed but only felt his hand being pushed harder against my mouth. Tears welled up in my eyes and they started running down my face. I guess this angered him even more. Before I knew it, his hands wrapped around my neck and they squeezed hard. I was gasping, trying hard to cough scream move, but nothing. He was saying something but I couldn't hear any of it. My vision became blurry and everything was fading out of sight. My ears were ringing and my body started to become numb. It scared me. This feeling was so different from when I cut my wrist. Yes. Of course, I felt a sharp prick of pain, but that pain shortly left leaving me calmed and relaxed as I faded out of consciousness. Not at all like what I was feeling now."_

_"I couldn't breath! I felt helpless. I remember Muraki doing this to me. But again it was so different, it was such a desirable feeling. To lose all senses and receive pure pleasure at the same time. The feeling was no doubt an amazing feeling. But Tatsumi was choking me and he was planning on taking it all the way. His thumbs were pushing hard into my windpipe. It made me want to throw up but because my passage way was so tightly squeezed I could only wheeze and gasp for air."_

_"I remember then he released me and I coughed and coughed. I rubbed my throat. I even threw up some fluid from coughing so hard. I glanced up at him and could seen the distraught look in his eyes. It tore at me. I didn't want to see Tatsumi hurt and at that moment he looked mortified. Thinking nothing of what just happened to me, I touched his shoulder to reassure him it was okay. He just looked at me with such hurt in his eyes which quickly turned to hate. He snatched my wrist hard. I could hear my bone crack and it was painful to say the least. My only reaction was to pull away.  
He slammed me against the headboard. My head cracked against the wood hard. My vision once again became blurry and I thought then I would fall into unconsciousness. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky. Instead, I felt a warm streak of liquid run down the side of my face. I already knew what it was."_

_"By this time my body was in such a state of abuse but I felt only numb and weak. My shirt was violently torn open. And I felt cold kisses against my chest. He stopped suddenly. My eyes closed, losing all thought. My mind was going and I was losing consciousness. Faintly, I heard a voice."_

_'Let me in,' it said._

_I knew it was Tatsumi and I weakly responded._

_'I can't.'_

_"I didn't love him. I couldn't freely give myself to him. If he wanted it so bad he would have to take it. And that is exactly what he intended on doing. He denied me my choice. And he forced a kiss on me. It disgusted me. Not because it was Tatsumi. But because I had no feelings for it. I tried to pull away from it, but his fingers were digging into my skin. It didn't matter to him, because the blow to the head and whatever it was he put into that drink already had me weak to the point of numbness. I didn't want this. Not with him"  
"I bit at his hand and he recoiled only for me to feel a sharp pain across my face. God, that hurt! How much more could my body take?"_

_"I felt the urge to throw up again but this time the fluid was crimson, I could taste the metallic flavor in my mouth. By then, Tatsumi had traveled down my chest again. I could feel him closer to me now, his lower body touching mine and I could feel his hard member touching my opening. My eyes darted open weakly. Somehow, he managed to get my legs over his thighs and my pants down slightly. At this point there was no use fighting anymore. I was too weak to even try and from that I closed my eyes once again, tears rolling down my face. I called out. Why? And I just kept saying it over and over and over again."_

_"Why would he do this to me? The one person I trusted more than anybody."_

Tsuzuki's thoughts were interrupted as a hand touched his shoulder. He tensed.

"Don't."

The pale hand just slid up to the nape of the brunette's neck causing his head to pull back slightly.

Tsuzuki felt soft lips touch his cheek, kissing away the tears streaking down. He closed his eyes taking in the soft gentle gesture.

I'm sorry. I...I'm so sorry. It was my fault. I caused him," Tsuzuki hands were now shaking. Muraki grabbed ahold of them and held them tightly to the his chest.

"Don't you dare! Why do you always do this? Why do you always blame yourself?" his voice was still calm and soothing.

Tsuzuki didn't answer. He just gripped tighter onto his own shirt.

Muraki's phone started ringing. The doctor pulled away but the Shinigami grabbed tight his hands.

"No. Just hold me, please. Just hold me tight."

Muraki didn't object. Whoever it was that was calling him could wait.

He stood the Shinigami up and walked them to the bed. Tsuzuki laid his head against the pale's man chest as Muraki propped against the headboard. His fingers rubbing softly through the Shinigami's hair causing Tsuzuki to cuddle deeper into his chest. Despite the pale man's soothing gestures toward his Shinigami, his mind raced wildly.

Muraki was furious that this other man had touched what was his. Normally, under these circumstances, Muraki wouldn't care as long as he got what he wanted. But this...this was different. Muraki loved this man in his arms. Had feelings he had never had with another person before. The thought of seeing his beloved like this made him livid.

He held Tsuzuki for half the night, until finally the brunette fell asleep. Muraki got up slowly from the bed. He had to do something to get his mind off of what he was thinking. That urge to kill was creeping slowly back into his mind. That was the last thing he should be thinking about. But it would release a lot of tension, vent out his anger somehow. But Tsuzuki wouldn't have any of that and he surly didn't want to put his Shinigami into a deeper depression.

The doctor walked out to the patio and looked at the sun making a silent appearance over his garden. This would have been the time I would be heading back from the hospital. But when Tsuzuki came in looking the way he did, falling into my arms, I was ready then and there to find the culprit responsible and deal with them for leaving my Shinigami in such a state.

I laid him on the bed next to my patient who was eyeing me no doubt with curiosity. I didn't mind though. I was dealing with something far more important at the moment. I checked all over his body and found bruises and a broken wrist. His head didn't look too well either and his clothes were torn and ripped in places I wish I didn't have to envision why. From the looks of his condition, I gathered that this must have taking place not even within an hour as his wounds still have not healed. Whoever it was that did this to him did quite a number and my mind rationally thought it might have been a demon. That was until he jolted upright screaming a name.

"Tatsumi..." the pale figure mouthed under his breath.

His phone beeps as he thought now would be a good time to check it. He listened to the message.

"Muraki, it's Oriya. I need to see you."

* * *

**Chapter Eleven** : There is no turning Back 

_AGAIN : Sorry Tatsumi fans. But this was the darkness I wanted this story to go for._


	12. Chapter 11 : There is NoTurning Back

_The murder revealed and Muraki and Tatsumi finally come face to face._

**Chapter Eleven: There is no Turning Back**

* * *

TV Reporter: _A man was found in his flower shop today pronounced dead. From what the police have stated, he seemed to have been dead only hours ago. He was found in a pile of at least a hundred roses or more which may indicate that it might be another victim in the Rose murders. The police have identified the death to be of suffocation. Perhaps while he was asleep..._

Chief Konoe turned off the television leaning back in his chair. Always a stressful man, especially when it involved a certain purple-eyed shinigami. Again the troublesome guardian is late. Even Tatsumi his trusty secretary has not shown up yet.

Tsuzuki he could excuse. The brunette is always late, but Tatsumi. Tatsumi never is. He even comes in early at times. Konoe couldn't understand it.

"Well, maybe Tatsumi went to pick up Tsuzuki. That would cause him to be late. He probably is over at Tsuzuki's right now. Tatsumi has always had a soft spot for that guardian. It's so obvious, but Tsuzuki is just too naive to see it. Tatsumi just seems to lose all his inhibitions when around Tsuzuki. That's why that purple-eyed guardian always gets away with everything. Being the oldest and most powerful Shinigami in Meifu, he just has a child-like innocence to him. No wonder all of Meifu love and adore him. What's worse, though, is I know I will be angry with him when he enters my door, but I can't help but let it slide. I have for seventy years. He just has that special way about him that everyone falls for it. Everyone except Terazuma. He pretty much despises Tsuzuki. I believe it has to do with the immense power the Shinigami has in having twelve shikigami. No other Shinigami has ever achieved that many. But Tsuzuki was able to pull it off with ease and amazingly every shikigami he has exalts him in their own ways. Terazuma denies this fact, though. Speaking of which, him and Wakaba are suppose to bring me some news on their case."

Konoe remembered sending the pointed-eared shinigami and Wakaba on their own case involving a wandering spirit refusing to leave the living.

A common case we have in Meifu. It happened the same time as Tsuzuki and Tatsumi case. But again there was nothing new involving two of Meifu highest employee's case and that was making Konoe even more worried. Being that Muraki possible might be the murderer. He was able to get through their systems with the vampire case involving Maria Wong. There was no telling when this madman would possibly strike again. But Konoe promised himself that there would be no more victims and the news just indicated yet another poor soul and he couldn't have that.

"Damn it! Where are they?!"

A knock faintly taps at his door. He quickly gets up. Maybe it was them coming to tell him some good news. He could only hope.

Opening the door his hope shatters as he sees Terazuma.

"Yes, what is it?" The chief fumed.

Terazuma paid him no heed even with the annoyance in his voice.

"Chief, we have the woman. She is in our custody," Terazuma snuffed out his cigarette as he knows how the chief hates the smell.

"Then she needs to be judged. Have they sighed her case yet?"

"Well, the thing is, Chief, she turned herself in but she said before she is to be judged she wanted to have a word with you."

Chief Konoe raised a brow at the Shinigami sitting back in his chair.

"A word with me, huh? Well, then, I guess you can send her in."

A young lady wearing all black, her hair a vibrant red and skin as pale as white porcelain walked into his office.

"Mr. Konoe, I'm going to make this as quick as I can. I know you have been looking into the Rose murders. The case that has been on the news for these past weeks I'm going to make it easier for you."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" The elder man leaned forward in his chair.

"Because I was involved."

He doubted her motive. Why would she be causing these murders? The cases clearly involved the killer to be of the opposite gender.

"But the murders were all done by a male."

"Yes, Mr. Konoe, it was. My husband."

Konoe rubbed his temples now.

All of this time he was thinking it was Muraki who had done it who had caused all these murders. What reason would he doubt it wasn't him? There were roses at each scene. But this woman before him was telling him different. Why would she have to lie?

"You are confusing me, Mrs...?" allowing her to finish the sentence.

"Rose. My name is Rose and if you have a moment I can explain my story."

He calmly looked at her. She was obviously serious. The chief out weighing his options.

"Either I can just send her on her way to be judged and keep thinking the murder is that insane doctor or listen to what she has to say. What would it hurt anyway? If by chance she is telling the truth, then it will get me closer to solving the Rose murder case."

"Take a seat."

She sat in the chair taking in a deep breath. Never taking her eyes off his.

"My husband was a flower shop owner. One of the best in Tokyo. His shop was strictly of roses in honor of my name. To say the least, the man truly loved me. But his love for his roses, sadly, was far greater."

She sighed.

"We were not making much money and it was hard to keep up on shop expenses. So it was decided we had to close down. But then as if fate was looking upon us, a man came into our shop and asked my husband if he could breed a thousand roses, the man even left a check. It was like an angel had come down from the heavens and answered our prayers. Our shop was saved. My husband quickly went onto the task, night and day all week to months. We hardly even seen each other anymore. It became unbearable. We even fought at times. The man never showed up but my husband was determined to finish it. I finally had enough. I broke it off with him. Told him it was over. We divorced. He became depressed. But still he tried to make it work between us. He even brought me roses that I only refused. I didn't care. I knew things would never be the same between us again. Why? Because I had fallen in love with another person. A woman. When I told him he just snapped and that's when it all changed."

She looked away from Konoe, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"He killed me. But his revenge didn't end there. He went on a killing spree. Killing any female that looked like me. He even used the roses as a symbol of my name and the cut on the finger was clearly a sign only I would understand. It was to symbolize the wrong I had done to him in our marriage choosing a different gender to be in love with. Instead of being on the wedding finger it was on the opposite one. Go figure, huh? He was always a very symbolic man and those two things seem to mean so much to his heart."

Her eyes shifted back on his.

"I didn't turn myself into your department because I was scared. I mean, I didn't mean to hurt him so bad but I loved her and I didn't want him to kill her so I had to do it. I had to kill him. Now, I am ready to be judged because now I know she will be safe."

The Chief fell into his chair. He couldn't believe it. Two cases solved. He was relieved but also a part of him sad. He looked at the lady crying. Every soul that passes the living into purgatory has a story but no one has touched him like this one.

"I promise you, your judgment won't be a harsh one."

She smiled at him getting up, giggling to herself.

"It seems people do crazy things when they're in love."

* * *

Oriya threw the katana down fast slicing the air. A normal human would not have seen the leaf falling in front of the swordsman being slashed through. Now two identical leaves fell away from the man. Gliding gentle with the wind to the ground. Oriya quickly turned around slashing the air again stopping his sword inches away from his friends chest. 

Muraki smiled at him amused.

"Muraki, I almost stabbed you!"

Oriya yelled at him putting his sword down.

"That wouldn't be the first time I would have been stabbed."

Oriya didn't find that comment amusing at all. Espeically since he was the one taking care of the pale doctor for those long brutal months. In and out of consciousness, restless nights when his friend would wake up gasping for air. But Muraki would never show any signs of how much it hurt. He was always so confident in himself. Never letting anything bring him down. The wound was almost a fatal one. Only a half inch away from his heart. The bullet was still lodged in the man's chest when Oriya took him in.

Oryia feared he was to late. He didn't know anything about removing a bullet and Muraki was faintly guiding him through it. The doctor would fade in and out. This just made Oryia more nervous, which was hard to come by with this man. But Muraki somehow always brought him to this point. Muraki looked his most innocent in this weakened state. It was what made him look normal. It was what made the swordsman love the man in white.

But he knew it would never go farther than friendship. Besides, he wouldn't want to ruin what friendship they had over a night of desired needs pent up inside him all these years. Muraki did not see him in that way. Oriya never asked him if there were feelings for him. He knew not to question him. He wouldn't get a direct answer, anyway.

Muraki was not a person to love. Not even Ukyou could catch his heart. There was only one person that had penetrated his soul. The man in the picture. The one he promised Oriya one day he would find. Well, he found him. Damn him for it, too. Just look at what happened because of it and now again his life is being threatened.

"Muraki, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

Muraki just pulled out a cigarette from his pack and lit it.

Oriya rolled his eyes trying to get the doctor's attention.

"I had a visitor yesterday. A certain Shinigami. He seemed pretty pissed, too. Said that they were looking for you. You're a wanted man, Muraki."

the pale man exhales some smoke.

"So, what's new?"

"He seemed to refer more than to just capturing you and turning you in Muraki."

Oriya joined him, puffing on his pipe.

"Let me guess. His name was Tatsumi, right?"

Oriya nodded.

Muraki chuckled.

"So, the secretary wants to play."

Oriya could practically see the amusement in his friends eyes.

"This isn't a laughing matter, Muraki. He threatened to destroy my restaurant. And he looks like a man who goes by his word, too."

"Was that all he said?" Muraki looked up at the sky puffing his cigarette again.

"He just warned that if I seen you to tell you to turn yourself in."

"Well, then, it seems I will have to pay this Tatsumi a vist. Besides, there is a few things I have to discuss with him myself."

"What do you mean?" Oriya questioned only for Muraki to look somberly at him.

"He touched something of mine and I'm not very happy about it."

Oriya eyes widened in fear.

"You didn't, did you? You went after him, didn't you? I thought we have been through this already! After you were hurt the first time. Would you really do it again?"

Muraki just smirked.

"Of course. I love him and that is all that should matter."

"But is it enough to risk everything?" concern in the swordsman's voice.

"Yes."

Oriya grabbed his arm, bewildered.

"Don't Muraki! There is no second chances. I couldn't even bear the first time you were hurt," he sighed backing away.

"It doesn't matter. You're going to do it anyway, aren't you?"

Muraki smiled at him as he faded away.

"Someone once told me you would die for the one you love. If I'm wrong about that,  
please correct me. If I am not, then let it be."

Leaving Oriya perplexed.

* * *

Tatsumi stood outside by a large fountain surrounded by sakura trees the highlight of Meifu. A calming waterfall of serene sounds echoing into his ear. But that wasn't going to help what he was feeling right now. He didn't want to enter into the building. Not yet if Tsuzuki was in there. 

He never had been scared in all his life about anything. But somehow he just couldn't face Tsuzuki. Not after what had happened. What he had done to him. How he had violated his body and touched him in such a way. The way the brunette pushed him away, rejecting him. Told him to not touch him! Those words alone just wouldn't leave his mind, haunting his thoughts

"Tsuzuki will never understand how much I love him."

The secretary balled up his fists. Suddenl,y his posture stiffened. He was not alone.

"Can't seem to keep your hands off of things that don't belong to you."

Tatsumi eyes shifted to anger. He had been waiting for this moment. Longing to finally face this man before him.

"Muraki."

His voice low to a roar. As the ground underneath him shakes, breaking concrete in the direction toward the doctor.

Muraki's lips curled into a smile. Staring intently at him, his one eye glared with a flash of light. The concrete stopped dead in front of him breaking into dust and dissipating in thin air out of his way.

"I see. A challenge to the death. Then so be it."

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Till the Bitter End. 

_Next the fight_ _we have all been waiting for_


	13. Chapter 12 : Till the Bitter End

_Thanks to All my reviewers for staying faithful to this story._

_ This chapter Muraki and Tatsumi go at it head to head. _

**Chapter Twelve: Till The Bitter End

* * *

**

The bed was so soft and warm. If it were of any other circumstances Tsuzuki would of appreciated it. Feeling the soft silk sheets against his body and smooth velvet touching his back, but it was not. His head was killing him, it hurt so bad. In fact, his whole body was aching. The only thing that truly gave him any comfort after what had happened last night was the warm body he was laying against.

He never thought he would of fallen for Muraki. In fact, he hated the man. No, wait. I wouldn't say hate, because Tsuzuki never hated anybody. Damn his weakness for caring too much! When Tsuzuki first saw that beautiful man standing in the church, his heart raced a mile a minute. His eyes were transfixed. It was like time had stopped at that moment. It was then that he knew he had fallen in love.

Could you even call it that? Could you really fall in love with someone just by meeting them? Is that what people call love at first sight? Because to Tsuzuki that is what he called it. But, then came the heartbreak. When the guardian found out that the man was nothing but a killer he became furious. Why is it every time I finally find something to make me happy it just blows up in my face?

His heart felt betrayed and he harbored resentment for Muraki because of it. But the doctor was persistent in getting him. Whether it was because of the pale man's fascination over him or because he was just another toy for the doctor to play with, Tsuzuki didn't know. To be honest he didn't want to. When he lost that bet a part of him, despite his fear in the doctor, wanted it.

Again, though, the betrayal, the hurt is what caused him to draw back away from the doctors touches. Tsuzuki knew deep down the pale man would break him and just use him. He never thought the insane man would risk his life for him. That all these advances and displays of affection were from the doctor's heart and not a mind fuck.

Did that mean he loved me? Of course, it did. Tsuzuki knew the man really did love him, but the guardian also knew that Muraki was wondering if Tsuzuki loved him.

Tsuzuki sat up feeling like his head was going to explode. He rubbed at the temples. Despite the pain he was feeling, he had to get to work. He knew that going to work was no problem. It was what would be waiting there that had him scared out of his wits.

Tatsumi.

He didn't want to face the fact that the one man in his life he trusted the most hurt him. Of course, Muraki wasn't one to talk in trusting. But Tatsumi had gained Tsuzuki's trust with ease like no other had. Not even Hisoka or his best friend Watari has even came as close as Tatsumi. The guardian always felt comfortable and safe around the shadow master. Always running to the secretary when he needed a shoulder to cry on. But last night the guardian needed a shoulder and it wasn't Tatsumi's he wept in, it was Muraki's. Oh, how the tables have turned. It was quite ironic.

He looked over at the empty area of the bed next to him. He knew that his lover had to be at work himself. That was probably why Katzuaka's phone rang, they were calling him in. The guardian really wished he was still here holding him. Muraki knew exactly what to do. He knew how to push the shinigami's buttons and make him angry, but he could always find the right time to make him feel needed, loved, even safe. Everything Tsuzuki tried to push the doctor away for, the pale man just came back stronger with it. No other person has ever came that close to being that repetitive with him. Even when Tsuzuki resisted Muraki advances, Muraki wouldn't allow it. The man was, indeed, persistent. And what he wanted he no doubt was going to get.

Tatsumi was almost to that point with him. Almost. Now, Tsuzuki doesn't know what to think. No. It wasn't that he didn't know what to think, it was that he didn't want to. He was tired of hurting. Tired of people hurting him and the one person he thought was going to be the one to hurt him the most, only showed him how much he really loved him. And the one he thought he could trust only showed him how much he could be hurt by him.

Tsuzuki pulled the covers. He looked to see his clothes draped over a chair. They were torn and blood stained. The visions flooded his head again of last night's encounter and he felt sick to his stomach.

"No, not now," Tsuzuki shook his head. He had to get up. He shrugged it off and got out of the bed.

What was it he was going to wear? He certainly wasn't going to sport the yutaka he was wearing. He went to the closet and found a white sweater. Though it was a little big, it would work and a pair of black slacks were also big on him, but nothing a belt wouldn't fix. Slowly he put on the clothes. It smelt so much like Muraki, of a distinctive cologne Tsuzuki couldn't quite decipher, but it smelt so good he raised the sweater to his nose, savoring the scent.

The purple-eyed guardian sighed. It was time to face the music. He already had it planed. He was going to go in to Chief Konoe's office and ask if he could be signed off the case. His reason? Well, that was the hard part. He didn't have a reason. At least a reason that he wanted to tell the Chief.

* * *

"Stay away from him!" 

Shadows surrounded the secretary. Making him look more like a faded ghost than his physical form. Giving his body a eerie glow was a green light emulating the ground surrounding where Muraki was standing at. It formed a perfect pentagram underneath the doctor's feet.

"You're one to talk."

Streaks of light rose in the air around the pentagram causing a gust of wind to blow up with it. The scene was quite beautiful. At least it would have been if it were not for the two men staring directly at each other determined only on ending the other's life.

"Shut up! It is because of you that this happened!"

Tatsumi made the first move as shadows flew in all forms of dark mists toward the doctor. Some falling to nothing through the streams of green light while others enter inside the circle. One successfully hit the pale man's cheek, causing a streak of blood to surface.

The man wiped the blood from his cheek, smirking at the angry secretary. At the same time, the green streams twist like a cobra around Muraki then strike out toward the shadow master. It wrapped around the man's body causing him to fall to his knees.

"Is that so?"

The pale man narrowed his eyes in response, watching the secretary struggle against the stream of glowing wire.

Tatsumi huffed. "You warped his mind! Made him believe you cared! What does a murderer know about caring anyway!"

The rope broke away fading into nothing.

Tatsumi engulfed himself in shadows disappearing. Muraki shifted his weight behind him, catching the secretary in his grasp and slammed a surprised Tatsumi against a tree. The shadow master didn't think a mere human could be so precise and quick-witted. Muraki surly was going to be more of a challenge then he thought.

Tatsumi grasped the pale man's arms trying to pull him away. Anger set in the doctor as he squeezes tighter to the man's neck.

"Tell me, Tatsumi-san. How does it feel? Choked against your will? I have seen this response many times in my life, but none have delighted me quite like this."

Tatsumi's eyes turn black. How dare this man describe him as one of his victims?! A shadow of himself appears behind Muraki. Unaware of its presence, it enters into Muraki's body through the back.

Muraki lets go of the shadow master, falling to his knees. Tatsumi coughed in dismay falling also to the ground.

He cleared his throat.

"That shadow is in your every nerve."

Muraki gritted his teeth as the shadow can clearly be seen flowing through his veins. The pain was unbearable but Muraki wasn't going to give this shinigami the satisfaction of knowing it. Tatsumi stood up wiping his clothes and pulling off his ripped jacket.

"Soon it with rip every vein in your body. I'm eager to see this."

Muraki smiled with clenched teeth at the shinigami. Blood starting to fall from his nose and black starts to take over his eyes.

"You underestimate me, Tatsumi-san."

He clinched tight to his chest, one hand now falling to the ground. Blood staining his clothes as it seeped through the pores of his skin. Oh, yeah. It hurt. A feeling much like that of fire burning slowly inside your body, melting away every bone muscle and layer of skin. Muraki knew it wouldn't be long until he screamed out in pain. Something he was sure the secretary would delight is seeing. But the weakened man wasn't going to allow him the satifation. With pain steaking his features, his eyes glowed with white brilliance and the angel calls out in unspoken words.

The ground broke underneath Tatsumi's feet, sharp needle wires probe up thrashing the man's skin. Penetrating through his arms and legs. Tatsumi quickly worked his shadows to break the vines, but they just ripped through them like paper.

Muraki spat out some blood from his mouth. Still fighting the shadows thoroughly dislodging his body.

"You could have had Tsuzuki. He would of loved you, Tatsumi-san. He would of gotten over me and in the end you would of won his heart. I know he only has an infatuation for me, you he trusted. But because of your own selfish need you took that trust away from him."

"Shut up!"

Blood began to seep down the doctor's arm. This causing the vines to tighten around Tatsumi ripping skin open paper cut thin.

"You did something worse then I could of ever done to him."

"Shut up!" his voice choked

"Tell me, Tatsumi-san. How did it feel taking advantage of him like that? Did he live up to your expectations? Did it feel good to have complete control over him!? To take whatever it was you wanted! Did you at once think that it would of gained you a chance to be closer to him!"

This time a red pentagram surfaced and Muraki pulled every ounce of energy he had to lift himself up. It was dark and vulgar but the red orbs entered his body destroying the murky residue that once were the shadows that entered in his body.

"I said, shut up! You're nothing but a murderr who doesn't deserves his love! You deserve to die!"

Tatsumi's anger threw him full force, melting the vines. Again, now two weak bodies staring at each other. Their powers equal in might and force. They both knew they would only destroy each other. But they were both willing to make that sacrifice.

"You're no different then me, Tatsumi-san. The only difference is I'm up front and honest with it."

No. Tatsumi surly didn't want to hear those words.

"I'll kill you!"

The ground gave way under Muraki's feet as Muraki sent a field of fire towards Tatsumi. Then Muraki raised his hands slowly in the air. Dark cloaked creatures rose from the ground. Their eyes red, bodies acquired in flames.

Tatsumi gasped. How did Muraki master this spell? To summon such vicious monsters. Tatsumi had his own tricks. Shadows appeared before him formed with no features but looked like the black abyss themselves.

"Now the fun really begins."

* * *

Tsuzuki teleported in front of Konoe's office. He took a deep breath in before he enters. 

Chief Konoe looks up to see Tsuzuki at the doorway.

"Come in Tsuzuki."

The shinigami slowly walked in lowering his head. He waited for the insult to be thrown at him.

"If it wasn't for the great news I received today I would of fired you and Tatsumi for being so late. By the way where is Tatsumi?"

Tsuzuki looked up at the older man puzzled. Tatsumi hadn't shown yet.

"I...I don't know," voice sounding more nervous then it should have been.

"Well, since you are here let me tell you. I no longer need you and Tatsumi on the Rose Murder case."

Were my ears deceiving me? Did he just say that he no longer needed us on a case? Was he reading my mind or did Tatsumi already..? Tsuzuki became frantic.

"What do you mean, Chief? No longer need us on the case?"

Konoe smiled wickedly at the guardian.

"Well, my boy, it has been solved."

My heart skipped a beat. Did Muraki? I mean, he did leave this morning. Was he really the murderer and just turned himself in? I wanted to know. It would eat me inside if I didn't. So, I asked the most simple of questions.

"Was it Muraki?"

"Eh?"

I must of caught him out of his babbling trance because now he was cocking a large bushy eyebrow at me.

"That just it, Tsuzuki. All this time I was thinking it was him and it turns out it was the woman that I assigned Teramuza and his partner to. It was her husband. Go figure. Two cases solved. My day just gets better and better."

So, Kaza, you were telling me the truth. You really did stop all your killing. You really do love me and, gods, Kaza, I really do love you. I want to show you just how much to when I see you tonight.

Suddenly a loud bang is heard from outside. The wall to Konoe's office started cracking. Tsuzuki knew already what was going to happen next and threw him and Konoe down to the ground as the wall exploded in. Tsuzuki abruptly gets up and realizes what is happening.

He left this morning not to go to work but...

"No! They're going to kill him!"

He ran from the office leaving a perplexed Konoe.

Tsuzuki ran down the corridor but his legs just didn't seem to carry him fast enough. He knew he could teleport right there but his mind was not thinking rationally at the moment he just new he had to get there.

"No, god! No, please!"

The view outside was like being in a war. Men in uniforms, they were the security sector of Meifu. And demon-like creatures were fighting against each other. Some made of fire while other of dark forming clouds. Hard to even see them as they matched the dust filled sky. Everything was in total chaos. Buildings where on fire. Cherry blossoms no longer standing beautifully. Tsuzuki could see up in front of him. A sight he didn't want to come to face. Both men he cared about fighting and blood every where. Oh gods.

The brunette had seen some of the guards raising their guns toward the direction of the blood-stained angel. Tsuzuki screamed, pushing the closest guard's gun down toward the ground.

"No, wait! Please!"

The guard tried to pull away but Tsuzuki forced the gun to fall to the ground.

"I said wait!"

The violet-eyed shinigami knew what happened last time. Muraki was lucky the first time. No matter though. There was too many and they will not stop until he was dead, especially if they find him a threat and he was far from a threat. He was pure chaos. He had to get to them. But he was just not running fast enough. He seen a guard push in front of Tatsumi holding his gun up towards Muraki. A shot is fired. Not thinking twice about the action he made next, the brunette closes his eyes and disappears only to reappear right in front of Muraki.

"Asato! What the hell are you doing?!"

Were the words the pale angel shouted seeing the guardian standing only a foot away from him.

Everything stopped. Tatsumi starts out of breath on one knee at the scene. His shadows dissipating from where the security was coming from, Chief Konoe now by his side. Watari helped the weak shadow master up. But the frail man's eyes never left sight of what was in front of him, causing the other two men to look over as well.

Tsuzuki stared at Muraki momentarily before placing a hand to his chest blood seeped through his fingers.

From the scene before him, Muraki's heart drops and when he sees the blood fall like running water from his guardian's mouth. He already knew it was too late. The moment seemed to play out slow. It was a direct hit to Tsuzuki's heart

"See? I told you I could take the blow."

The shinigami falls as Muraki catches him in his arms.

"Asato!"

The guardian raised his mouth up close to Muraki's lips hushing the pale figure. In a weak whispering voice he responded.

"I know you have doubts about my love for you...don't. Believe me when I say.  
my love for you was unconditional."

Muraki softly pads his lips to Tsuzuki's.

"I believe you."

He ran his fingers through dark threads of hair and glided his face against the shinigami's cheek. Tsuzuki could feel a cool wetness on his skin. Muraki was crying. Tsuzuki just gripped him tighter then his hold loosens.

Muraki breath stills and he lifts his face up to look at his guardian. Tsuzuki's eyes were open but there was no life in them. No spark whatsoever in those beautiful alluring violets. The pale man glides his hand down Tsuzuki's face closing his eyes. Muraki tilts his head down for a brief moment and then in a cold low tone he demands.

"Take me to Lord Enma."

Konoe says sorrowfully.

"We can't."

Muraki looked at him, his eyes stained red.

"I said now!"

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen:** My Last Goodbyes 

_This was indeed sad. for the most part i really wanted to show the affection between Muraki and Tsuzuki at the guardians death. I thought to hold off Muraki s anger at his shinigami dying till the end and point out the most direct emotion for the doctor when he looks at konoe demanding to see lord enma. obviuosly he was crying._


	14. Chapter 13: My Last Goodbyes

_Sorry for the long wait..My mind has been on road block mode for some time and their is so many stories to be written.I've been searching the internet for Muraki and Tsuzuki stories and their just does not seem to be enough. So for all you Tsu+ Mur fans here it is the next chapy.._

**Chapter Thirteen: My Last Goodbyes**

* * *

The eerie feeling of being in a cave with millions of candles. The area in which Muraki stood holding Tsuzuki in his arms was just what it felt like,large and seeming to trail off into nothingness. 

Silence. Only the sound of his own breathing which was ragged and heavy through the dense air.

Then from in front of his eyes an aura, black as the place itself but with a hint of grey outlining a woman's figure. Slowly advancing toward him. She was beyond mystical. Her hair was jet black, wavy through an unknowing air and face as pale as the doctor's own. Eyes that were pure white with no indication of a pupil. Her lips were the only color that showed on her face of a dark maroon. She was wrapped in a black cloak fitting shapely around her body.Dark and unseeingly beautiful.

She came in slowly, her footsteps making not even the slightest of sounds and approached the doctor staring only at the figure limp in his arms.

"Oh, Tsuzuki, why?"

Her voice echoed through the dark room a sound as concerned as a mother's in tone. she touched the guardians face. Raising her hands as if she were a mother taking her child.

Muraki pulled him away in reflex. Causing the enchanting woman to look up at him.

"You are here to show me this?"

She questions him. Her eyes somewhat haunting as they stared. A hand intentionally rests on the guardian's face.

"No, I want to go in his place. Take my life for his."

He calmly responds keeping eye contact with her. Not allowing her gaze to disturbed him. He challenged those eyes with his own, normally when he looked into someone's eyes he could see their expression, but hers were pure white orbs like pearls. Blank of any emotion but seeming to pierce right through his very soul.

"And what makes you think I will do it?"

Muraki placed his lover on the ground kneeling next to him he brushed the hair out of the brunette's face.

"Still in death you are beautiful as ever."

"Oh, you'll do it. Tsuzuki is someone very special to Meifu and I am already wanted by you. You can already clearly see. The exchange is a giving rather than a bribe."

The man certainly had a way with words. She found it appealing that he was so confident in them. Though, he was right. Tsuzuki was one of her greatest shinigami. To lose him she would lose a great deal of power. But so did this man have power. For a human, he certainly did hold a slight candle to her shinigami. Impossible. That a human could sifter demons and have such vigor. To cause so much chaos for the man lying before him was amazing.

She witnessed the affection the doctor displayed on her guardian as he touched the brunette's face tenderly like a lost lover. There was no doubt the love this pale man had for Tsuzuki. She could clearly see it through his eyes. And Tsuzuki must have had this same love for him. Why else would he risk his life, and even worse dier consequences if he had survived with protecting the criminal.

The thought made her a bit jealous. Her greatest shinigami so passionate and loyal to human lives in love with a killer. She also knew from looking at the scene before her that this killer also had a deep heart. No immortal to mortal is innocent. They have all sinned in one way or another. Some worse then others. Every person in the living and dead world has their reasons. Does it make it wrong? Some people would like to say no, but it indeed is. At least in the rules of human society.

But isn't it just human nature to love and be loved? To protect? What is so wrong about that? No matter who it is. This is the everyday decision Lord Enma must make. To judge those who are only acting on their human nature. To destroy those whose only reason for their crimes was out of pure human rejoinder. Some in cases of revenge, hurt, even betrayal. In any, case her job was hard and the one before her was no exception.

"You do realize the consequences of this decision, Muraki? There is no coming back, ever! Your judgment will be sentenced and you will be sent into eternal damnation for your crimes!"

Her voice lingers like a snake rolling through the air as his judgment is called before him. But still his body stood tall. His attention never leaving hers.

"I am fully aware of my destination, but if it means giving back Tsuzuki's life, then I will go with open arms."

Truly a passionate lover and honorable in his ways. She could understand why his determination was so strong on saving him. But could love really be that powerful? To change a man like Muraki? She would never know only from the sight she was seeing was she ever that close to feeling it.

Of course, she had love for her employees especially the one in front of her. Not a lover's love but a mother's love. Her heart had always went out to Tsuzuki. The brunette shinigami was the only one who had ever gotten to her heart like that.  
Being that his true age was beyond many of the employees here at Meifu, he still was the most childish of the bunch. His heart so pure and fragile it made her wonder even more how he could of committed such a crime as what he did. But again it just brought back to the saying everyone has their reasons for something.

He hated himself for years on that one crime. Even committed suicide because of it. Still that was not enough to condemn himself. For many years he hid under that darkened cloud with half truths and full lies to himself. Diluting himself in a world of fake impressions to his fellow colleagues It was only in these few days she had witnessed an aura of true happiness in him. No doubt it was Muraki who had done this to him, only for it to break again. Still a edge of curiosity hit her.

"Why then? Give me a reason why you would sacrifice yourself for him?"

The doctor looked down at his lover smiling slightly.

"Because my life is nothing if this man is not in it. My whole life I have searched for this very man. Without him it would be pointless."

Such a simple answer and yet so deep.

She went over and touched the man's shoulder then kneels next to him and touches Tsuzuki.A glow illuninates her hand holding Muraki and transfers over to Tsuzuki's. At that slight exchange she felt the doctor's love for Tsuzuki.  
Every emotion he had for the shinigami flowed through her. The powerful burst of life that only that emotion could give and then she knew what it was to be loved by somebody. A feeling of wanting and desiring and yearning,  
needing to be touched, needing to be coaxed with words of affection.  
Begging to be taken and lose all your senses. To right the wrong to bury the past. To move forward and start anew. So many feelings in one that it was confusing at times but at others completely comforting.

Love was even greater then her own power and could easily wither her up into a crumpled mess left to die. It was trust. It was bonding. It was intimacy.

It Hurt!

She recoiled back from them as her hand left their bodies. She was shaking and built up with sweat, touching her face she comes to realize it was in fact not sweat at all but tears. Sighing. The exchange was made. But to her dismay at what cost.

The guardian's fingers start to twitch. The action becoming more and more violent until his whole body wracks into convulsions.

The process only lasting a few seconds until he exhales pulling his body weight up aggressively in a sitting position. His mind a bit confused, he looks around him rubbing his head. It was only until he seen Muraki's body go limp and fall to the ground that he comprehends where he was at and what just happened.

"No! What did you do!?"

He almost stumbles over himself as he quickly shifts his body toward his lover. Fumbling on the pale man's chest in hopes that maybe, just maybe, his lover could hear his effortless words.

"Why did you do this?."

Panic overtook his eyes as he looked over toward Lord Enma, who in return stared at Tsuzuki with concern.

"Take it back! Take it back!"

To see her shinigami like this broke her heart. But there was nothing she could do to change it.

"I can't."

Her voice filled with motherly concern.

"YOU LIE!"

His voice took her aback.

Shocked, her voice deep and demanding.

"What's done is done, Tsuzuki."

He looked sadly at her. His lips quivering, eyes glossy.

"You know you can."

Trying not to let his emotions get the best of her, she looked away from him.

"I am sorry, Tsuzuki. These are the rules. He exchanged his life to save yours. The only way this man can even be thought of coming back, would be if one of his victims forgave him."

Tsuzuki head falls, his shoulders drooped.

"But...but...I didn't even get to say goodbye."

His voice like a disappointed child who just lost a fight with their mother.

She hated this. This is where her feelings get the best of her with him.  
Always with him. He always did this to her when things didn't go well by him. That face, that voice, that child-like innocence. Damn him.

She touched his face lifting it up to her. Stroking it softly.

"I'll give you one hour to say your goodbyes."

* * *

They say gardens always calm the mind and relax the body. The serene atmosphere couldn't help but sooth the soul. 

Tsuzuki thought this would be the perfect place to bring Muraki. To come to the realization that he will only see his lover for an hour was something he was trying to get out of his mind. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with him and show the man he loved his one prize possession. His garden. It was truly breathtaking. Filled with sakura trees and flowers of many variety.

Some small as bushes while others large and overlapping them.  
The ground was cemented in marble and cobblestones leading a path to more of natures more finer beauties. Small ponds and beautifully displayed stone patterns landscaped the deep coves of trees. Muraki abruptly stops in his tracks.

"You share this with me, Asato?"

The pale man tries to take everything in. Even his garden couldn't compare to this. It was simply incredible.

"This is the one place I go to when I am at my worst. I guess today makes it another visit," the guardian sighed.

Muraki cupped his chin lifting his face to see his.

"You promised. No tears. I want to spend this time in your happiness not your sadness, Asato."

"I know. It's just..."

The guardian is shortly cut off by Muraki's lips softly touching his.

It was suddenly broken as Muraki pulls down clutching his head. Tsuzuki grabs ahold of him.

"What's wrong?" concern in his voice.

"Nothing. I just need to sit that's all."

The shinigami pulls them over to a sakura tree and they sit down leaning against it.

Tsuzuki looked into silver eyes, worried. Only for his lover to reassure him that everything was okay.

"This is all just so overwhelming. You are so overwhelming. I thought I would never again see those beautiful eyes of yours or hear your voice. Now this is all I need."

Tsuzuki cuddles close to him. Relishing in the warmth of his chest.  
Forgetting everything but the soft touches of his lover's hands in his hair.  
Muraki leaned his head against the tree closing his eyes. The sun was setting and it was only a matter of time.

"Asato?"

The guardian only murmurs in his state of comfort at Muraki response.

"If I could only hold you in this embrace forever. My world would be complete. There is nothing else I have ever wanted more then to love you.  
Even in death I will hold true to that."

Tsuzuki gripped tight onto his shirt.

"Don't you say that. Don't you say it like this is already the end. Maybe I can ask Lord Enma for another hour...maybe."

He felt his hand being touched and a kiss placed on his head.

"No, Asato. Just stay with me this last moment."

Something wet hits his hand.

"Moment!?"

Tsuzuki opened his eyes and looked to their hands. He notices Muraki becoming paler. Almost translucent Tsuzuki panicked.

"No!" he gripped Muraki's hand tighter.

"No, no, no, no, no..."

He clung desperately to his lover's hands. Trying to bring some sort of color to them.  
He looked up at Muraki who was smiling softly at him, tears falling down his face.

"I love you."

Tsuzuki shook his head.

"No, no, no! Not yet!"

He quickly wrapped his arms around the older man but falls to the ground.

"No, no, no, no!"

His words repeating desperately begging, his voice becoming choked. He grips the grass, his crying becoming sobs.

Watari not too far, hears the sobs and sees Tsuzuki ripping into the grass with his nails. Grabbing clumps of dirt into his palms only to repeat the process over. The blonde runs to him and grabs his hands only for the shinigami to throw himself into the scientist's arms.

Watari squeezed him tightly.

"No, honey. Don't cry, don't cry."

Watari didn't know what else to do but hopefully be that anchor that Tsuzuki needed at that moment.

The brunette sobbed hysterically into the man's shoulder.

"Gone. Just like that, he's gone. Watari. Not again. Why?!"

Not too far away, Tatsumi could see from his window the display down on the ground. Tsuzuki's body trembling in Watari arms.

Broken. That is all the man could think Tsuzuki was feeling right now. Completely and utterly broken.  
He knew that feeling. Maybe not in the way Tsuzuki was feeling it right now.  
Or maybe he did. He just didn't display it like Tsuzuki did. The shadow master wanted so bad to be the one holding Tsuzuki at that moment. But he already knew where that lead to the last time. The truth be told that man sobbing down there really was in love with Muraki. Still, he couldn't understand why. He slides his fingers across the glass.

"Tsuzuki, I am also broken."

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen:** Starting Over 

_This is not it. Their is more questions to be answered . A confrontaion finally made. Tatsumi and Tsuzuki._


	15. Chapter 14: Starting Over

_Here we are with another chappie It took me awhile to write this one actually. I wanted to really down Tsuzuki character in this chapter. This chapter is mostly based on Tsuzuki feelings after Muraki death, not to mention Tsuzuki and Tasumi finally confront eachother. _

**Chapter Fourteen: Staring Over**

* * *

The sad weeping of the clouds forming tears fell down to the ground as a dark grey sky lay overhead. Wet cold grass covered the ground staining the many shoes in the crowd causing them to sqeak as they shuffled.  
What a perfect day for such an occasion. Most were doctors and nurses saying their last goodbyes. One in particular stood a distance away, observing the many people that hovered over the tomb that his beloved was in. Trying hard not to seem so obvious. 

It was difficult, it took all of his strength just to be here right now. To know that the person he once was held by tenderly, loved and made love to was soon to be covered in mounds of dirt. He could feel his stomach turning and his control slowly failing. He didn't even know why he came. He just wanted to forget, to not feel this pain anymore. A pain far worse than any pain he has ever felt.

Part of him knew why he came, that part that just had to realize to see that his lover was gone. The proof of it in front of him hitting him hard against his chest, like a hammer to his heart beating it furiously over and over again. He just wanted to run get away from reality and never come back. But here he remained because he promised. Promised his love he would be strong and he hated Muraki for that promise.

Tsuzuki held a single long-stemmed rose in his hand and walked up to the fine marble finished coffin before him. Men and women hugged and conversed, but the Shinigami was far from hearing what they were saying. His only focus was in front of him. He placed the rose on top of the beautifully designed casket.

"You left me alone once more. I don't think it is possible I can forgive you this time."

A hand touches his shoulder. His reflex jerked it off as he turned around. A young female stared back, her face wrought in sadness.

"I'm sorry to startle you, but you didn't look familiar to the many faces that are here from the staff at the hospital. Did you know Muraki-san?."

If it wasn't for the dark glasses he was wearing he would of probably startled the woman. But he didn't want to draw attention to himself any more then he had to. He smiled as warmly as he could.

"I am an old friend of his, just came to pay my respects."

She moved next to him looking at the coffin herself.

"He was a great man, saved many lives and took so well to his patients. One of the best in Tokyo. It is a shame to see such a great man lost to the world and at such a young age, too."

The woman sighed looking down as a small tear fell from her eyes.

"I wonder if somewhere out there he had someone that shared his life with him?  
A wife perhaps or girlfriend? I'm sure if he did they would be here right now. I would cry if my other half had died. Maybe she hates him for leaving her."

Tsuzuki could swear she was directing this towards him, but she was referring to a woman.  
He was not a girl. She surly doesn't know about his and Muraki's relationship? Muraki would never boast about his personal affairs with collegues at work so why was she telling him this? Could she sense it, was he that obvious?

Tsuzuki wanted to tell her so bad that he was indeed Muraki's lover but then what would that look like? She believed it was a woman for whom the doctor loved. It would be better this way, to not ruin Muraki's reputation in death. That it was a man that had shared the doctor's bed and not a wife.  
Would Muraki even mind it? No. Of course not. He would of probably raised a large sign in central Tokyo if I had asked him to. That is how much he loved me. That man gave his life for me twice. That bastard.

"I would have really liked to have met his other half. I bet they are very beautiful."

Soon the woman was cut short as a female voice shouted out towards a car.

"Come on, honey! It's time to go!"

"Okay, Rose. I'll be right there, just one more minute please."

They are lovers? Tsuzuki looked over to the car seeing a woman dressed in all black leaning on a silver car making her skin pale against it.

The nurse looked back at Tsuzuki.

"I'm sorry I must go. My wife is calling me."

She walks away stopping short and turning to Tsuzuki once more.

"It is always hardest when you lose the one you love. It is even harder to come to realizing it. And when reality hits,it  
knocks you off your feet. I'm sure that whoever his lover is will forgive him for the pain that was caused in his loss."

Tsuzuki gasped lightly. Something told him she knew, but what could she possibly know about pain? Her lover/wife was still alive and his was.  
He didn't want to think about it. He had stayed far too long. Being the only one left, it became kind of lonely. The rain started again hitting his face and clothes. He sighed. The rain was the only thing hiding his tears that were falling endlessly down his face he then snorted.

"What does she know!"

"Excuse me, sir. But I presume you are Mr. Tsuzuki?"

The shinigami startled turning around seeing an old man in his sixties. Where did this guy come from? He surly didn't see him at the funeral. The guardian became suspicious.

"And what makes you think that?"

The shinigami was on defense. How did this man know who he was?

"You are the only one left here, aren't you? He said that you would be. Like a sore thumb from the rest of the crowd. I assume you do not know me as it is we have never meet before this."

He bowed toward the shocked brunette.

"I am Saukaura. The young master had told me to give this to you."

Tsuzuki takes the thin piece of paper without hesitation. Young master he thought. Is this Muraki's servant?

"When you are ready to read it. I will be waiting."

He heard the cool voice of the older man but looked down toward the paper instead. A small envelope with his name on the front. The guardian's eyes widened.

"I...I can't."

The guardian was speechless.

"What is..."

But the old man was already gone. Tsuzuki glanced back at the letter and shoved it in his pocket.

* * *

_Next day_

It was a long day especially just after the funeral. Tsuzuki didn't want to experience what he did when Muraki first had left him. So as that part of him he shut it down. That loving caring feeling for Muraki he shut it down completely. He could do that. He did seventy years again. Now was the time again and soon he will forget. Like another lost memory in his life.

Yes, that is what he decided. Everything he ever had of Muraki's he would throw away. He destroyed the roses in his garden and planted lilies instead. He couldn't have anything. He just wanted to forget. Even his coffee had shots of straight vodka in it. All to forget to keep his mind overdosed on illusions away from reality. That's how he wanted it. To play the fake role with everyone around him to trick his mind that everything was okay. That he was okay. And what better way to get the help then from his most trusted companion, alcohol.

The night was late and he was hard at work destroying all the pictures he had of Muraki off his computer. He was tired and just as he was about to leave and go to the nearest bar. The door to his office opened.

The green-eyed boy just looked at him. Tsuzuki waiting for his younger partner to start his insults.

Great, he thought. Just another way to drive me further into...

But what happened was completely different then what the brunette had expected on seeing his partner back. Hisoka ran to the taller man and hugged him. Tsuzuki could do nothing but hug him back.

"I'm sorry, Tsuzuki! I didn't mean to be gone for so long. Make you feel like I didn't care because I did a little...too much actually. I...I heard what happened. I thought you were gone! I..I wouldn't know what to do if you had left me. But he saved you and you're here. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you"  
The older man smiled rubbing his fingers through Hisoka hair

"Don't be."

The boy was crying now.

"No, no. You don't understand! I was...I was jealous of you two. I didn't want to hear about him anymore. I didn't want to know anything not because of hurt but because there was a part of me that loved you and I didn't want him to have what I wanted. You are so close to me being the only one to break my walls down. It was you that I found a family in. And I didn't want to lose that from you. He would have taken that from me! But I know you hurt you hurt so much because I FELT IT! I DID! I FELT THAT LOSE IN YOU WHICH WAS SO SIMILAR TO MINE, BUT EVEN GREATER STILL. TSUZUKI! I'M SO SORRY! I never knew how much you really did love him. I thought it just was an infatuation to you but I felt it. I felt your pain."

Tsuzuki lifted the green-eyed boy's eyes to meet his.

"It's okay, Hisoka. Everything will be okay. I have moved on. There is nothing that can be done no more. It is better this way right?"

Hisoka saw the smile on his partner's face. But it was all a lie his eyes only told a different story. Hisoka could no longer feel the pain the hurt within his partner. Had he went that deep within himself to deny that emotion? Or has he really simply just moved on? The younger shinigami couldn't tell but he knew it was probably the latter of the two.

* * *

_Two months_

Things seemed to be back to normal. There were no cases to be solved even when Tsuzuki and Hisoka were sent on occasion to scout areas. Tsuzuki was back to his sweet-eating self. At least on the surface he was. There still lingered moments that would cause the brunette to stop abruptly in the work environment in shock, just to laugh it off and go back to what it was he was doing. Not many people seemed to notice it but Hisoka.

But, then again, no one even knew about the incident that happened between Tsuzuki and Tatsumi. Weird as it was to the other shinigami that Tsuzuki always tried to avoid eye contact with the secretary in meetings and always refused to go and see him in the office sending Hisoka instead. In fact, it seemed that Tsuzuki had not seen Tatsumi face-to-face since the incident

"Tsuzuki don't you dare leave today without trying out my new potion. You promised!" The scientist beamed.

"Um..Of course, Watari. After I finish my paperwork."

Tsuzuki nose was in the pile pulling out a new piece. Watari raised an eyebrow at him.

"Tsuzuki doing work! I think the world has ended."

"No,Watari. It's just, I think I should get it done..."

Watari knew this in his friend. This is how he has been acting lately. Partly he believed to drawn out some of the memories of Muraki but the other part had to do with Tatsumi.

"Before you have to bring it to Tatsumi, right?"

"Um, well, yeah." Tsuzuki still not paying Watari much heed.

"Tsuzuki, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," he continued to write.

"Why have you been avoiding him?" The pen stops.

"I haven't been avoiding him. It's just I don't feel like sitting in his office being yelled at."

Watari looked at him frowning. What a terrible liar, he thought.

"That is the worst lie you have ever played on me. Tsuzuki, I'm your best friend you can tell me anything. Why won't you tell me this?"

Tsuzuki looks up finally at a worried Watari.

"Because it is none of your business that's why." he responded back in anger.

"Oh"

The scientist is somewhat shocked at Tsuzuki's brash words. Tsuzuki never was one to become angry, not like this. Not to Watari. The brunette realized the harshness of his voice and calmly looked at his best friend sincerely.

"I'm I'm sorry, Watari. I'm just very stressed and I don't need any more of it then I have already."

Watari wondered maybe Tsuzuki is not ready to face Tatsumi after that terrible fight. It was still too soon. That is what he used as his excuse for Tsuzuki's behavior, denying what possibly might be the truth.

Tsuzuki got up from his desk and closed down his folder.

"Tell you what, Watari. Let's go out for a beer or two. What do you say?"

Watari gives him a serious look demanding an answer. He was genuinely worried about his friend. Tsuzuki sighed.

"Look. There is nothing to worry about, okay? Tatsumi and I..."

The door opens. Tatsumi walked in.

The scientist seen an uncomfortable shift coming from Tsuzuki. As the guardian wraps his arms around his waist and looks down. Watari couldn't help but look over toward Tatsumi seeing the man looking more worried than Tsuzuki. He wondered about this change in the two. Normally, Tsuzuki would be in the secretary's arms by now crying and letting out all his feelings but this was different Tsuzuki refused to even give Tatsumi eye contact.

"Could I have a moment alone with Tsuzuki?"

The secretary's voice demands Watari rather then asking.

"Umm…sure, Tatsumi."

He could see his best friend not budge from his stance. Something told him there was something wrong with this scenario but then again it wasn't his place, he thought. He couldn't even get a word out from Tsuzuki. But his best friend knew that if he needed anyone to talk to, it was him. This just wasn't the case. And it wasn't Watari's place to butt into. He glance once more over to Tsuzuki.

"Tsuzuki, I'll be in my lab."

The guardian just nods his head as Watari walks out closing the door.

The moment was quite nervewrecking for both of them. What could they possibly say to each other? At that moment the walls seemed to feel like they were caving in and the air in the room became somewhat dense.

Tsuzuki leaned against the desk avoiding any eye contact with his ex-partner. There was so many things he wanted to say, wanted to know why but he just couldn't come out and say them. His mind was frozen in fear.

Tatsumi steps closer to him, Tsuzuki jumped causing Tatsumi to step back his eyes worried. His heart beating fast within his chest. But the secretary couldn't hold back this silence between them anymore and he knew Tsuzuki wouldn't budge. The brunette would go on like this forever if not to face Tatsumi and the event that had happened between them.

"Tsuzuki I'm..."

Tsuzuki not even looking retorts out.

"Don't, Tatsumi! You have no right! There is nothing you can say that can change what has happened."

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is that what you where going to say to me? How dare you! After all that has happened that is all you can come up with?! I can't judge you, you only acted on your feeling right?"_

"I forgive you, but I wont ever forget it. I forgive you because you love me and when you love someone you tend to do some crazy things. But I'm not in love with you or ever will be, so deal with it!"

_There I said it as cold and heartless as it sounded I said it. From that I looked up and seen the most hurtful eyes I had ever came across. But it didn't matter. I was beyond reason with him. I trusted him and now he can see how much it hurts to lose it all. How much he hurt me._

"Why him?" the secretary mouth was trembling .

_I think the worst part about this whole thing was I knew every word I told him hit his heart like a ton of bricks but I didn't even care._

"You should know by now the answer to that question. I love him."

"A murderer."

_That was cold, Tatsumi, and you know it was. But, yes. I don't deny it. Why should I have to? I love Katzuaka Muraki. I know you would hate me saying it to you. I should, too. But I won't. I won't slam your face in the mud on this one. I understand really I do. I don't agree with what you did to me. And I lost all respect for you because of it. But you are still someone special to me. Sad, I know. I should hate you and despise you for it. For drugging me and hurting me in such a way. But Muraki had done this to me too. Had hurt me in the beginning the only difference is I wanted him to. I wanted him so bad but denied that part of me in it. He showed me up front what he wanted and didn't hesitate to take it. So to answer you question, Tatsumi, without being a complete asshole about it._

"You can't choose who you fall in love with."

_And I left it at that walking towards the door_.

_Then stopped just to say one more thing_.

"I won't tell anyone what had happened. I give you my word. I know you can trust mine, But if you ever touch me again like that. I'll kill you."

_Tatsumi didn't do anything but stand there. I think he finally came to realize that's something you can't just brush off your shoulder. It takes time to heal wounds and sometimes not even they can mend._

_Honestly, there was a part of me that felt bad ,hurt even to see him like this. But why should I care I have enough on my plate already to worry about. I know things between us will never be the same he knows this as well. But this is how the world is it's cold and evil and makes us feel so much emotion. In each of us we carry a demon that fights to be free. I've come to knew that that demon is love. Because with love you feel so much. It can make you feel good or complete but it can also make you feel hurt and angry and sad and revengeful. Who needs it really? I felt love and I felt complete in it, too. But where is it now? Some six feet under. There is no point in it because sooner or later you'll end up hurt. So to teach myself a lesson in love. I say fuck it. It will only cause you agony in the end. It's only better to live life without it, saves you from feeling the pain when it all comes crashing down on you._

_Now, how about that beer?_

_

* * *

_**Chapter Fifthteen**: Starting Over Part Two 

_When you want to forget something that has hurt you so bad in your life what messures would you take it to. sometimes drowning your thoughts in alcohol just isn't enough._

**Just thought you would like to know**: _For anybody wondering. Rose is the same woman that confessed to Konoe in chapter 11. her wife was actually one of the staff members at Muraki's hospital. Wow six feet of separation. also giving the clue at what the discission of the verdict was at her trial_.


	16. Chapter 15: Staring Over P:2

_Finally! I know that's what all of you are saying about now. It took me a little longer then expected to update this fic and I am truely sorry my mind was busy elsewhere.lame excuse I know but I actually was making some videos on Youtube . If you want to check them out I am under the same name Chazmy there. You can also find the link on my profile page. The video's I did are of Muraki and Tsuzuki. My first AMV, so if they suck A I'm sorry, but If they do good, I am willing to do more.So please! when you check them out. leave me a comment._

_Pewww...now that my rambling is out of the way, on with the story..._

**Chapter Fifthteen: Starting Over Part 2**

* * *

A faint knock is heard from the lab door. Watari quickly looks up from his paper-scattered desk placing the glass tube in his hand back into its holder. 

"Come in," he yelled across the room.

Dirty blonde hair and large emerold eyes are revealed as Hisoka walked into the room. He was holding a folder in his hand. The scientist was surprised to see Hisoka instead of Tsuzuki. Normally, when on a case, Tsuzuki was always the one to interrupt him out of his experiments. Most of the time the circumstances concerned his speciality in test sampling like someone's hair or blood type or even encoding of demons. Why would Bon come to see him? Was it a new assignment?

"Hey, Bon! What's up?"

Frigidly, the younger shinigami sits on the stool next to Watari and places the folder on the table. The blonde glanced at the folder. To his dismay it was not a new case. In fact, the folder Hisoka had placed on the table was scrawled in thick black ink: Case Closed - Dr. Kazutaka Muraki.

Hisoka shrugged his shoulders looking at Watari eyeing the folder and then scans it himself only to quickly pull his eyes away from it.

"How did it happen?" Hisoka voice broke the silence.

Watari stares at the boy, speechless. Hisoka's question had startled him. Even though he noticed the boy's shoulder slump,  
Watari seemed more uneasy then Hisoka did. He didn't know what to say. What Hisoka was asking was a very sensitive topic. A topic the scientist didn't want to bring back into his mind. Not to relive that memory again. But it seemed the boy was determined as Hisoka repeated his question.

"The fight, I know a little about it but you were there? What really happened?"

"Hisoka..."

_"Oh, how I don't want to have this discussion!"_

The younger shinigami becoming annoyed clenching his hands. His voice comes out in a plea instead of anger.

"Please! I just need to know! I asked Tatsumi and even the Gushoshin twins but they all seemed to avoid the subject. Like I would be upset or even hurt. Watari, I know that you would tell me. Won't you?"

_"He really wanted to know and I have no right to keep it from him. Tsuzuki is his partner. Oh, why is it always me?"_

The scientist finally gives in, sighing.

"All right, Bon. What do you want to know?"

"Did Tsuzuki really die?"

"_Oh, how I **really** don't want to have this discussion_!"

"Yes."

Hisoka looked to him with concern.

"But how could a bullet hurt him? Isn't he immortal?"

Watari fumbled through his papers trying not to look to anxious about the subject. Feeling a little better when 003 perches on his right shoulder. He patted the feathery owl in a gesture of thank you then contuines.

"Yes, Hisoka we all are, but, you see, the guards here carry weapons that make for special enforcement."

The scientist in his fumbling accidentally tips the holder with the tube in it spilling its contents onto his paperwork.

"Oh shit," Watari hurries over to get some paper towels as Hisoka lifted the unsoiled documents up to safety.

After thoroughly cleaning the area. Hisoka handed back the papers he had saved.

"Thank you," he grabbed the papers with shaky hands.

Hisoka observes his carelessness.

"You seem a bit uneasy."

Watari stops throwing the paper towel into the waste basket and places the documents back onto the table.

"It is just a very difficult subject to talk about, Bon. Especially when it involved Tsuzuki. That's probably why Tatsumi and the others avoided it. But you are his partner and I think you should know... Besides I am always so clumsy with things." Watari smiled at him and continues on.

"As you know, we don't deal with normal situations here. And most of our work is done in dealing with the ranks of unnatural occurrances from demons to entities and so forth. The guards are Lord Enma's personal task force and are only called out in extreme measures. Being that one of our own was being threatened and that magic was being used to extremities, they were called upon for security purposes. Not to mention that Muraki was also a high level threat on the system boards. It caused a immediate red alert."

"Do you think that's when Tsuzuki realized what was going on? I mean, he had to have been in Meifu at the time?"

"I honestly don't know, Bon, but I believe so…"

Watari took in a deep breath.

"We were all scared at that moment. I would of never thought a human could weld such power like Muraki showed. It seemed that him and Tatsumi matched in strength and I knew that if it didn't stop soon all of Meifu would have been destroyed. Not that there would be much that I could do as it was already out of control. I looked over at the two men beaten and bloody but still standing and ran to Tatsumi's side even though I knew Tatsumi would be all right now that the guards were here Muraki had no chance."

He took in another deep breath this time exhaling with a long strain through his breath.

"That's when it happened, it was like time had stopped. At least that is what it felt like for me. I seen the bullet penetrate his chest and it was like I was running to him but it was only my mind telling me I was."

He clinched the papers he had so neatly put back on the table in his hands. The memory feeling so real to him even now. To realize that even they can die in certain circumstances and to see one of those circumstance right in front of his very own eyes. Watari lowered his head as he spoke again.

"I mean, he just came out of nowhere right in front of Muraki. At first, I thought maybe it had been Muraki who was standing there, but it wasn't. The next thing I seen was Tsuzuki falling and...and Muraki caught him in his arms. I was troubled, hurt even. So many emotions were playing in my head, so many questions but there was one that stuck out the most. What the hell was Tsuzuki thinking?"

Watari lets out a small laugh.

"I know what he was thinking. It hit me when I seen that look on Muraki's face. It struck a chord in my heart of sheer sadness. It was at that moment right then that I could see not the killer we all have know Muraki to be but a human with true emotions and love. Tsuzuki sacrificed his life for Muraki the same way Muraki did for him on the Queen Camilla. Because they loved each other, that is why no one wanted to tell you. Because they didn't want you to feel hurt or betrayed. I'm sorry Bon. It must really hurt to know that."

There was a long silence before Hisoka looked up into Watari's eyes, his green eyes filled with tears.

"It does hurt, Watari. And I did hate Tsuzuki for a very long time because of it. So much so that I wanted to stop being his partner. I felt betrayed by him. I questioned myself at times wondering how could he do this to me..fall in love with my murderer. To love a man that would do such horrid things to me. But I realized Tsuzuki is not me. Muraki, despite it all, probably really did love Tsuzuki. He made Tsuzuki happy.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized that my love for Tsuzuki and his happiness was worth more than any piece of hatred I had for Muraki. I mean, doesn't Tsuzuki deserve to be happy? That's all I ever wanted to see. I never thought someone like Muraki could bring my partner that happiness, but he has. It makes me hate that bastard even more. I am so conflicted by the two and now that Muraki is dead I don't know what to do or what to feel."

Hisoka looks to his arm remembering the day he noticed the curse was gone. He rubs his hand unintentionally over the skin in lines where the curse would have been.

"I should be happy Muraki is gone but I'm not. Not when I know even under his false emotions on the surface Tsuzuki is truly suffering. Of course I can lie and just play along with him and thinking that every thing is fine but I know it isn't. I see him smile at me and tell me everything is okay but under all that I know he just wants to drown himself in temporary fixes, like alcohol. A false feeling to ride himself of anymore pain. Because once the mind goes numb nothing else seems to matter, right? He is going to destroy himself like this. He comes in to the office with dark circles under his eyes like he had not been to sleep in days. But yet still seems to have the energy to finish the day out.  
Watari, I am worried about him. I don't know what to do anymore. He refuses to let me in. when I came back and he told me that everything was going to be okay. I didn't think it was going to be like this. Have we truly lost Tsuzuki? Had he really went so far into his mind that only these simple fixes can sedate him?"

Watari places the tipped over tube back in its holder and pulls off his glasses.

"Hisoka, Tsuzuki is just trying to get over Muraki. It is hard enough on him as it is. He has been tryng to clear his mind by getting rid of anything that reminds himself of Muraki. Basically pushing him away and out like the man never exsited. Sometimes when it hurts so bad you just want to forget. He is like this because he is hurt and a part of him is blaming Muraki for leaving him.. ...It happens. Him hating Muraki and allowing himself to believe it is the doctor's fault. Permit himself to forget Muraki faster, the alcohol is just to speed up the process a little.

Watari eyed the worried guardian knowing Hisoka's feeling of helplessness.

"You know, there is another way, but you have to look in your own heart on that."

Hisoka narrowed his eyes toward the blonde.

"You know I can't do that, Watari."

"I know, Bon. Maybe it's better this way anyway. Tsuzuki just needs time to heal."

* * *

_1:42 a.m_.,_ an ungodly time to be waking up, as the phone rings in the scientist's ear_. 

"Hello" a groggy voice answers.

"Um…..hey it's me, Tsuzuki. Did I wake you.?"

What a dumb question. But he could hear the slur in the voice on the other line.

"Tsuzuki? Hey, yeah, I was sleeping" he yawned.

"Oh, I'm sorry I.."

Watari protests before the other shinigami could say anything else.

"No, no wait! What is it? You sound bothered. What's wrong?"

Hesitantly, Tsuzuki answers.

"I was.. I was just wondering if you could come over?

Annoyed at the response Watari retorts.

"Tsuzuki…it's almost two in morning!"

"Yeah, I know but I need the company if you don't mind much. Could you, please?"

After a long silence then a sigh, Watari brushed his hair out of his face.

"Ofcourse. Let me just get dressed and I'll be right over."

Tsuzuki smiled not that Watari could see it but he assumed that was what the guardian did.

"I'll be waiting.…oh, and Watari. Thanks."

Okay. It was one thing to call his house at almost two in the morning but then to drag him out of the bed just to have a hour chat was crazy. What was he thinking? The man sounded like he had already downed a few drinks and there was no telling how much more his friend was going to consume by the end of the night. So now he felt obligated to go over to see him. Not that Tsuzuki lived far. Only two floors above him. How convenient was that, not that he ever seen Tsuzuki's apartment before because most of his time was spent sleeping on a cot in his lab. But, perhaps, this one night he decided to live a little and sleep in the comforts of his long awaited bed that surely he would have been dreaming by now but instead received a dreadful phone call.

_Why is it always me?_

Watari knocked on the door only to be confronted by a drunk and overly giddy Tsuzuki.

_Oh boy. This is going to be one hell of a night!_

"Hey, Watari! Welcome to my house."

The brunette pushed Watari into his house throwing a few scattered clothes out of the way from Watari's path.

"It isn't much to look at considering my salary. Isn't this is the first time you have ever been over here?"

Watari quietly scanned the only room in his friend's whole place. Smiling back at Tsuzuki.

"Yes. I never really had a need to come over since you are always in my lab with me. "Which reminds me." he pointed a finger at the brunette in which it almost hits Tsuzuki in the nose.

"You still haven't tried out my new potion. I would like for you to try it out."

Tsuzuki shook his head dizzily.

"Oh no! You're not placing me as a gueina pig for one of your sex changing potions!"

He then smiled at Watari.

"Drink?"

The brunette went to the kitchen pulling out a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. Watari followed right behind.

"You changed your drink?"

Tsuzuki opened the bottle trying hard to concentrate on pouring the liquid into the two glasses.

"Well, yeah. There is a lot of stuff I chose not to have anymore. Besides this stuff is good and it can get you shit-faced real fast, too."

Spilling just a little on the counter he places the bottle back down. Handing one of the shots to the scientist, he raised the glass in the air.

"To forgetful pasts and new beginnings." He chimed.

They both gulped it down in one quick swig.

Watari realized that maybe Tsuzuki just needed the company and so relaxed. They talked about everything from the time they all spent their vacation on a deserted island, where they had to live off of coconuts and dried berries and the nightmarish Konoe surprise nude show. To Yuma and Saya buying Hisoka a pretty pink dress for Halloween from pink house, it was all giggles and laughs and after a bottle and a half later, they were pretty plastered.

Watari for the first time finally took in his friends surroundings for what it was

"Your apartment sure is small."

His eyes barely focusing in front of him.

"Sheez, Tsuzuki do you ever clean?"

The other shinigami shrugged his shoulders.

"What for? It's going to get messy anyway."

Watari just agrees tipping his glass to his mouth in another swig.

Tsuzuki gets up stumbling over his own feet as he grabs the two glasses.

"Want more?"

He walks into the kitchen.

"Don't you think we had enough?" Watari accompanies him, bringing in the bottle.

Tsuzuki missed the sink and the two glasses land on the stove inside a pot of old noodles instead.

"Oops…..no." Tsuzuki stunned face quickly turns into laughter looking at the two glasses filled with red tomato sauce and bits of noodles.

Watari fumbled for a paper towel laughing himself at Tsuzuki

"You are hopeless, Tsuzuki."

He falls over Tsuzuki shoes as he hits the pot making it fall to the ground splashing noodles and sauce everywhere. Tsuzuki laughs even more as he wipes the sauce from his face.

"Me?" they both laugh hysterically at each other.

Watari straightens himself up as Tsuzuki then wipes off some of the sauce on the blonds face.

"I guess I am just as hopeless as you, huh?"

Tsuzuki looks at him silently. His face turning serious while his eyes start shifting around the room.

"Watari I...I" the guardian bits down on his bottom lip.

Watari tries to act serious himself but just tends to sway back and forth. He could see his friend had suddenly changed his mood. And wondered what Tsuzuki was thinking. What was he trying to ask him.

"Yes….Tsuzuki?."

Before coherent thought could take place .The brunette slams the blonde into the counter looking seriously into golden eyes

"You don't love me so there are no ties. Just meaningless sex, right?."

SEX!

The brunette forces a kiss onto the scientist hard and relentless. Snaking a tongue into the other's crevice. The action was forced but still a sudden shock to the blonde. After a moment Watari comes into realization and pulls away catching his breath.

"Tsuzuki! He calms down! Your drunk and so am I! This isn't right!"

Tsuzuki starts to unbutton the man's shirt ignoring what his friend was saying. He needed this more then Watari knew. And there is no turning back now. The brunette kisses the soft skin on the blonde's chest, ripping feverishly at the fabric in his way.

'Watari, please! I need this to forget I can't take it anymore don't you see it's making me insane!"

He raked his teeth on one of the nipples trailing his finger to the hem of his best friends pants. Thus allowing a little moan to come from the scientists mouth. The brunette hands fumble to unbutton the black slacks in his way but Watari grabbed Tsuzuki hands before he could go any further.

"Tsuzuki……" The scientist pants out in breath as Tsuzuki continues to trail hot kisses on his chest.

"As much as I am truly enticed by you and would love to have sex, you are my best friend. It would only make matters worse." The scientist sighs.

"This is not going to make you forget Muraki."

At that Tsuzuki stops, pausing for just a moment before he slams the blonde's hands against the cabinet pinning them there.

"Don't! Don't say his name!."

His eyes fill with both anger and hurt but then shortly change to desperation.

"Can't you see, Watari? It's tearing me apart! Please! Let me forget if just for this one night."

Watari relaxed a bit as he heard those words. The man was desperate for anything to stop the pain. Now Watari could clearly remember what Hisoka said.

_I see him smile at me and tell me everything is okay but under all that I know he just wants to drown himself in temporary fixes. A false feeling to rid himself of any more pain. Because once the mind goes numb nothing else seems to matter_.

Tsuzuki firm in his advances, kissing the blonde's neck, licking it up to his ear

"Please. It doesn't have to be sensual just meaningless fucking. I need this."

Watari bit his lip to prevent yet another moan from escaping. Man, why did he have to touch such a sensitive spot?! Fingers are moving too fast to keep my own mind all together. His touches are starting to feel real good. I have to stop this.

"Tsuzuki stop! It's not right!"

The brunette suddenly pushes away hard, knocking the blonde's head callously against the cabinet. Watari regained himself losing all sense of drunkenness and sees his best friend shaking miserably in front of him eyes even more angry than before.

"Damn it, Watari! You'll never understand! I just want to stop loving him! I hate him for doing this to me! Making me love him then leaving me. That selfish asshole left me again and I just want to forget! I deserve to forget! To stop feeling this pain inside of me. I hate him, Watari! Don't you see? I fucking hate him for leaving me!!"

He fell to his knees. crying

"Oh gods! I miss him...I miss him so much...it hurts so bad. I just want him to be here and hold me. I feel so alone."

Watari slid down next him cradling him in his arms. He knew that Tsuzuki had pent it up inside for so long he just needed to release it and if this is what it took, then so be it.

Tsuzuki screamed with all his might gripping tight enough to his clothes to tear the fabric.

WHY DOES THIS FEELING HAVE TO HURT SO BAD?!! TELL ME!!!

"I don't know Tsuzuki."

The brunette sobbed in his shirt.

"It's unfair."

Watari gripped tighter rocking the shinigami in his arms.

""Life is always unfair."

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: One Thing Left to Do**

_Pour brûler les restes-_ means to burn away the remains.

Not again, not to awake in this feeling.

depressed, emotional, angry, terrified, hurt.

DEATH

an open invitation, my arms stretched far and wide.

consume me, coax my body in that bitter numb haven so that I may not feel nomore.

there is no coming back she said

correct and I will not come back without him.

There is only one thing left to do...

_Pour brûler les restes._

Next the finally Chapter! I just love torturing poor Tsuzuki-chan.


	17. Chapter 16: One Thing Left to Do

_The last and final chapter._

**Chapter Fifthteen: One thing left to Do**

* * *

The sun couldn't have been any brighter as the rays of a overly blinding brilliance beamed through his sheet-covered window hitting his face thus causing the shinigami to grimace against the offending light, not to mention the enormous headache pounding in his head. 

The man surely was in no mood to get up and face the upcoming day. He groans moving himself from his covers. Surprisingly, he felt a cold drift throughout his whole body only to discover that he was without clothes.

"How on earth?! Did me and Watari...no, I must've passed out. What an idiot. I must've seemed so desperate throwing myself at him like that. How embarrassing."

The purple-eyed shinigami gets up from the bed stretching as a loud yawn escaped his mouth. Rubbing his arms for warmth as goosebumps appeared on them, he walked into his bathroom. A chill runs up his spine as the goosebumps increased more. It wasn't the goosebumps that got his attention but the feeling he got when he looked in the mirror. The reflection looking back at him looked worn out and sickly. Miserable and alone that would better discribe it.

"Watari took care of me, even in the state I was in. He tried to comfort me and make things better. But in spite of it, I don't think it helped the situation any better. I still feel and look like shit. Now with a added hangover."

After a long, hot shower the guardian got ready for work. As he slipped on his coat, a small envelope falls out. The guardian eyed the piece of paper dejectedly then hesistly picked it up. Remembering who had given him this envelope it causes him to let out a huge sigh.

He wanted to forget that whole day even existed. But the letter was just an added reminder of just how miserably real that day was, and how truly lonely he felt. The guardian made his way to the kitchen, placing the disturbing envelope on the table. Being his normal daily routine he would usually cook himself something to eat, but today he wasn't hungry. In fact, the thought of food made him feel even worse than what he was already feeling.

Going to the cabinet, he shrugged at remembering what had happened last night but manages to shake it off and grabs a cup and a small baggy to make himself some tea. Tsuzuki goes and sits down at the table staring at the white pristine envelope seeing his name graved in pen staring back at him he snorted.

"Why don't I just throw you away? Or stop looking at it so much."

He gulped down the warm tea and bats an evil eye at the offending stationary as if giving it would make the envelope run away or wither into nothingness. He wanted to read it, his conscious was telling him to but why then was he so scared to do it? It was just a simple letter written to him by the man that he loved before...before his death.

Tsuzuki pushed the chair back abruptly, walking back to the kitchen. He pours himself some more tea but seemingly his eyes continuesly look back at the envelope mocking him to open it. Not paying attention his tea over fills spilling everywhere.

"Damn it!"

He slammed the cup down and walks over to the letter picking it up and throwing it away. The guardian glances at it one last time before walking out the door.

"No."

He stops himself before he had the chance to close it all the way and goes back inside. Regretting what he had just done. the shinigami lifts the envelope out of the basket and opens it up hurridly. Urgently, tearing the envelope wrapping a cream colored stationery is revealed.

_Asato,_

_If you are reading this letter, then I am no longer here. I do hope you understand my decision in this. And that you do not hate me for making it. I always wanted to prove how much I truly loved you and being that my past was not a great start for us I only ever wanted to love you. I was content with that, you know. With you at my side, I couldn't have been happier. It was once said to me that when your loved one dies, the other one becomes hurt and sometimes blames them for leaving or even themselves. I know you well enough to see you being that person._

_Asato, please don't. Neither one of us has done anything wrong. It is time for you to move on but to face the truth, my love. Don't you dare hide your feelings. It is not good for you. Remember that even if I'm not there physically I am always there within your heart._

The ink started to smear as the guardians tears fell.

"So like you, Muraki, to touch a soft spot, you asshole."

He continued to read more.

_I trust that if you have received this letter you have meet my servant, Sakaki. He is awaiting your arrival to your new home. He is a good man, Asato. I have had him at my side for many years. If you do decide to go, please do take care of him._

_Please do not run from this. I know it hurts but you have to be strong for me as I believe you can be. Holding it in and hiding it will only build up within you until you snap. And I don't want that. Do you understand? I don't want you to go into that deep dark place you once were. I didn't leave this world just so you could end yours. Let your emotions out. Embrace them because it will be the only way you can ever heal from it._

_I love you, Asato. Always and Forever._

_K_

Tsuzuki folded the paper placing it in his pocket.

"I think it's a little too late for that, Kaza."

The guardian goes to his phone and dials a number. From Watari's extensive research, Tsuzuki was able to obtain a great deal of information on his arch nemesis and the one great advantage to a whole lot of prank calling. A certain someone's phone number.

"Hello, this is Terazuma speaking." The voice sounding as usual annoyed.

"Terazuma?"

"Tsuzuki."

Even more annoyed, which was pretty amazing for the ex-cop given he was pretty much annoyed already.

"Wait! Wait! Don't hang up, please!"

His voice sounding utterly pathetic despite it was his arch nemesis he was talking to.

"What is it!" the former police officer on the verge to press that single button that gives the other line a fimilar noise called the dial tone.

"Terazuma, I know we are not on good terms with each other but I need you to do me a favor. Wait before you protest just hear me out, okay? I promise you'll never have to deal with me again."

There was a long silence then a growl followed by an irritated voice finally answered back.

"I'm listening! You've got five seconds"

"If anyone asks, tell them I'm not coming in."

_There simple as that_.

"Why don't you tell them yourself?"

_You bastard! I'm telling you for a reason that's why. Okay. Calm down, Tsuzuki. You don't want him to hang up on you_.

"Because I know you won't question my motive, you won't. Please."

"And what's in it for me?" the ex cop sneered mockingly.

"The freedom to know that I am not going to be a thorn in your side anymore."

"So your leaving Meifu, huh? You really thinking about doing it?"

Tsuzuki could hear that the other man was sipping on something, probably his morning coffee with a hit of whisky. At least he could have mixed his whisky in something better then coffee like orange juice perhaps.

"No. Not thinking. I pretty much have my mind made up."

"Well, whatever it is, it's your life. I will see what I can do."

"Thank you. Oh! And Terazuma. If you see Watari tell him I'm sorry."

The phone was soon heard by a click.

* * *

Chief Konoe had many of his fellow employees walk into his office either to be yelled at or assigned to a new case. Some even requested to see him about cases and time off, but never had he had a request like this. 

The old man looked at Hisoka with concern.

"Hisoka, I just can't let you go and..."

"Please, Chief! I would not ask such a request if it didn't mean something to me."

Konoe smiled at the boy and walks toward the door.

"It is because of Tsuzuki, isn't it?"

"No, Chief. It is because I want to. For me. I know that things will never change the fact of what happened in my past and honestly I think the reason why I held onto my hatred for so long was because I didn't want to let it go. But I learned that sometimes you just have to let go to move forward. Even if it means that the someone you love can't. Perhaps it means he doesn't want to and as insane as it might sound, I find that he shouldn't have to either. So maybe your right. Maybe it is for Tsuzuki. But it is my choice."

"You have a very good heart, Hisoka. A brave one at that. Are you sure this is what you want?"

He touches the young shinigami shoulder looking into green eyes.

"Yes."

* * *

The sky was clouded over and seemed the perfect theme for what was in front of the guardians eyes. The large beautiful building towering above him only brought back those memories of first coming here. A part of him wanted to run away and never look back but he had to face it no matter how hard it hurt. A gust of wind blew his jacket causing a pattern of wavering fabric behind him as he approached the door. 

He stood there what seemed like forever not knowing why he was doing this, if he could even handle it. But something inside him told him to push that button and before his brain could register what he had just done, the door slowly opened.

The guardian was staring down at the same man he had seen at the funeral,  
but somehow he seemed much older and seemed to swagger a bit when he stepped back to let him in.

"Ah, Master Tsuzuki. Please do come in. I am so glad you have finally decided to come. May I take your coat?"

The old man gestures to take it but Tsuzuki walked passed paying him no heed.

"No. No thank you."

The shinigami walked further into the house unintentionally looking into the den. The same place he was that night of first being in this house. Of first meeting Muraki's fiancee. Visions of that night became a clear view in front of him. The reenactment so realistic.

"_Kaza, I'm...I'm sorry. I should have left. I don't mean to be a burden_."

The beautiful man he only known to be his lover walked over toward his double.

"_Asato, I am here with you, am I not_?"

"_But she is..."_

"Stop it!"

Tsuzuki's eyes widened at seeing that man he loved so much hold his double in his arms.

"_You are the world to me, Asato_."

"Stop it!"

The guardian quickly turns his head away, his breathing somewhat erratic. Why did I just see that? All right, Asato. Pull your self together. You can handle this.

"Are you all right, Master Tsuzuki?"

"Umm, yes. I just need to sit down, somewhere besides here"

He clutches his forehead as the headache started to come back from earlier.

The butler brings him to a room almost bare to the rest of the house with little furnishing. Two small couches and another fireplace accented the room from looking so empty. There was many book shelves and a door leading out to a patio.

"Will this room do, sir?"

"Yes I-I'm sorry if I seem a little..."

Tsuzuki sits on the chair leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees.

"There is no need to be sorry, young master. You don't seem to be quite ready for this."

The young guardian clinches his forehead trying to lessen the throbbing pain in his head.

"I'm not. This all seems so unreal to me."

"Which is perfectly understandable, it is hard to lose a loved one."

The older man takes a seat in the chair across from Tsuzuki.

'Do you miss him.?"

The shinigami asked yet his thoughts seeming to be elsewhere as he looks at the floor in front of him.

"Very much so. The young master would always keep me company on his nights off having many conversantions with me. Mainly about you."

"Me?"

The shinigami looked at the man staring directly at him. His eyes looking to question the older mans words.

"You are a very special person to him, you know. Ever since he was a child he held you in his heart. He would speak of meeting you one day and sweeping you off your feet. I believe it was only when he would have a conversation about you that I truly seen him happy. You made him happy, Master Tsuzuki."

"What could I possible hold that could make someone like him happy I never understood."

"Happiness is something you don't have to understand it just is, like love. Why was it you fell in love with Master Muraki?"

The guardian's hand touches his chest for comfort. those words hit a chord in his chest that he couldn't explain. The same feeling he felt when he finally did realize he loved Muraki.

"Because he…he understood me. Made me feel complete. He made...me...hap-py. He made me very happy. And now I feel so empty...alone."

"And it took away your happiness, didn't it?" The old man added.

"Yes." His hands clenched into his fists at his response.

"But you are still here, aren't you? You can still be happy.It is only up to you on how you decide on doing that."

_What was this guy? Some kind of therapist? What does he know_...

"It is hard, you know. To let him go. But everybody is telling me that this feeling will come to pass and I can move on. I know I can but I don't want to."

Tsuzuki gets up from the chair and walks over to the fireplace. He didn't want to have this dicussion any more.

"Is that what you really want? Do you really think that is what Muraki would have wanted?"

The old man hears a clank on the mantlepiece and notices the shinigami turn abruptly toward him. Knowing he must of hit a sensitive subject on the shinigami.

"It doesn't matter what he wants! He is not here now, is he!"

His eyes rage the guardian realized he was a little harsh and calmed down now looked at the old man apologetically .

"I..Im sorry."

The old man rose to his feet

"It is quite all right. I could only imagine what you must be feeling. I can not argue the point. The master was so good to me, and to be sitting here next to the one person that has made him happy is an honor in itself."

Tsuzuki looked over toward a picture of a younger Muraki. He was so beautiful even then. The guardian slowly ran his finger down the cool glass of the picture.

Sakaki could see the sadness in the man's eyes and suggested to change the subject.

"Would you like some tea, sir?"

Tsuzuki puts the picture back up and smiles at the man.

"No, thank you."

The older man then noticed that Tsuzuki was walking over toward the patio looking at the garden.

"This rose garden once used to be filled with lush flowers. It was the young master's most prize thing to do is come out to his garden and tend to these roses, Tsuzuki touched one of the wilting flowers.

"They're dying."

"They do not have hands to care for them. Perhaps it's not to late to bring them back to life."

The old man touched the guardian's shoulder. He could feel the man stiffen under his touch. But left it there anyway.

"_Life."_

Tsuzuki crushed the rose in his hand at hearing those simple words.

"Yeah. So simple it is to bring a flower back to life."

He squeezed the rose harder causing its thorns to pierce through his flesh. Sakaki just didn't know how much those words truly did affect the shinigami. Tsuzuki knew that he couldn't bring his lover back, Lord Enma had made it clear.

"I……I need to be alone."

The older man removed his hand.

"Very well, sir. If there is anything."

He just seen the young man tip his head in response.

Sakaki bowed his head even though he knew the guardian wasn't watching and took his leave. He turned to glance at the shinigami one last time The man's eyes filled with that same sadness .

"You poor soul. I can only imagine what you have been through. How it must be hurting you inside. Perhaps it is better this way if you do decide to do it."

Tsuzuki walked the path through dead leaves and wilting flowers crushing them underfoot. The noise similar to that of crushing bones .

"This garden once held beauty but now is nothing more than a graveyard."

There were no sounds of birds chirping or beautiful colors to gaze at. All that was seen was brown mixed with dirt and decay,

"Like my soul."

He reached a pond. The only thing that seemed alive.

"Seems to fit perfect that it would still flow with water. Even though all these flowers are dead around it this pond stands alive...alone."

_Alone._

"You were selfish to take away the one thing that made me happy, Kaza. But I-I have tried to move forward and it's so hard."

His hands where shaking despite himself trying to control his emotions. Just seeing everything again to know that his lover once walked these grounds day by day. He closed his eyes taking in a deep breath. Barely audible he whispered..

"I can't……."

Opening his eyes again he stares beyond the pond out to nowhere. His voice straining a choked cry, trying to keep the tears from running down his face.

"I can't, I just can't do it. I can't live like this, not without you. You know why I have come here. You know why I have chosen here more then anywhere else. If I cannot have you in my life then there is no point in living. I will burn everything. All the memories. All of it...all of me, until there is nothing left."

He knew his decision. His friends wouldn't understand. They told him he had to move on. even his beloved Kaza said it. Well, it wasn't that easy. It wasn't something you could just forget. Nothing was going to be the same again in Meifu or here. He could play the game of the joker all the while but it still didn't make up the fact that inside his heart he was bleeding.

He just wanted the pain to go away. A pain so dense that physical torture could never compare to it. To visit those happy moments in your mind only to wake up in reality and notice that there not there, that they never will be again. Oh god! It hurt. And to know it could have been prevented if he just didn't go to Kaza that night.

I could've went home and I would've healed. I would have been okay. Then I could've seen him and everything would have been fine, right? It would have been fine. He knew he was talking nonsense he knew that it was on impulse that he went to Muraki that night.

"Ha..ha ha!" He laughs as his mind reaches far beyond sane.

"How funny it is that fate has a way of doing things. Well, today fate will have its way again."

The guardian raised his hands towards the sky to call upon the only shikigami that would ease this hurt and send him to his finally resting place.

"From the black flames I call forth the glimmering heat that slithers like a snake from the heav..."

Just then a small breeze picks up and a tiny red rose petal blows passed him and into the pond. He freezes looking at the rose.

"It can't be."

A tiny tear falls from his face. Something was different.

"No."

Anger set in. It was the wind playing tricks on him again just like on the Queen Cammilia.

"Damn you! Stop playing games with my hea.."

He turns around, outraged only to throw his hand up to his face in disbelief.

"Kaza…?"

_Is my mind playing tricks?_

The guardian could see a beautiful white angel standing by one of the now blooming sakura trees. His eyes starts to tear up as he stands there just staring at that beautiful angel looking back at him. Without thinking he runs to the white clothed man and hugs him tightly.

"Oh god! Is this real? Are you!?" The shinigami kisses him all over the face.

"Please tell me your real! If not, I don't want this to ever end! Please!"

But there was no answer.

"Oh god, Kaza!"

The tears just kept falling .

"Please! Tell me I'm not dreaming!"

The guardian bites his lip looking at his beautiful lover but still there was no response. Tsuzuki falls to his knees crying into his palms.

"You-you can't be real! You're just another trick my mind is playing on me! Another one of my..."

Tsuzuki feels a hand take away his from his tear drenched face and the face of his beloved now at his eye level looking just as shocked as his own.

"Asato. Asato, I'm real. This is real." He touches the man's hands to his face.

Asato begins to sob even more as he feels the soft touch of his lover's face and wet tears run down it. He touches it wiping the tears away.

"Kaza..."

Without another word he throws his arms around the older man and cries uncontrollable.

"Oh god! You are real! This isn't a dream!"

The shinigami squeezes tighter.

"I don't want to ever let go! If I do I might lose you again."

The angel runs his fingers through his lover's hair. Still shocked himself that this was his Asato in his arms.

"No, Asato. I will never let you go. Ever."

* * *

_The day after_. 

"Tsuzuki looks healthier than ever."

Watari observes Tatsumi looking out the window.

"It seems that way."

The scientist could see the way his friend was staring out that window like he was distracted by it, soon to discover as the blonde walks to the window himself. He sees what had the secretary attention.

"Tatsumi is there something on your mind care to share?"

Tatsumi doesn't move his gaze from the sight outside.

"Well, Watari I never thought Hisoka would have done something like that you know, forgive Muraki."

Watari sighed looking at the two lovers by the sakuaka tree that had Tatsumi eye so fixed on them.

"Tatsumi, sometimes when you love somebody enough you learn to forgive. Hisoka just wanted to make Tsuzuki happy. I think that goes for you, too."

"What?"

Finally got the other man's attention.

"I know something had to have happened between you and Tsuzuki. You two have been acting strange toward each other. It's obvious."

"I just don't understand how Tsuzuki could love someone like Muraki."

Watari walked over to Tatsumi's desk sitting down.

"It's not for you to understand."

"Don't you think Tsuzuki deserves his happiness? Besides I think your question goes deeper then what your meant to say. I know you love him. I can tell, but think about this, Tatsumi. Do you honestly think you could have made Tsuzuki happy? Do you honestly think it would have made you? If you can answer that, then you'll understand."

Tatsumi looked back out the window.

"I don't honestly know."

"Tatsumi, ever since you meet Tsuzuki all you ever wanted to do was protect him, right?"

"Yes."

Watari grabbed a paper holder and starts playing with it. It was of a blue bird shaped with its wings spread open.

"Your love grew from that and soon you seen yourself having an attraction for him."

Tatsumi turns toward the scientist his eyes narrowed.

"I don't think we should.."

"Just hear me out, Tatsumi. I know it hurts especially to see that someone you love and want to protect with someone you hate so much and fear is going to hurt him. I don't think Muraki would hurt Tsuzuki. In factc I'm sure of it."

Watari gets up from off the chair and walks over toward the secretary.

"Truth be told, Tsuzuki doesn't need your protection. He never did. What he needs from you is a friend. Despite whatever it was that had happened between you two, Tsuzuki still loves you in his own way. ...You have to let him go."

The scientist hands him the bird.

The secretary looks at the the heavy object in his hand then smiled at the scientist.

"I suppose so."

The purple-eyed shinigami sighed as he leaned on his lover's chest.

"This is so beautiful." The guardian gasped as he felt hands lift his chin up.

"No, Asato. You are beautiful. All this is just a substitute."

"Kaza." he blushed then noticed Hisoka walking down toward the library.

"Hisoka! Kaza I'll be right back."

"Hisoka." the boy stops turning around seeing Tsuzuki running in his direction.

The younger shinigami blushes as he sees the older mans shirt half unbuttoned. "Tsuzuki, I was just going to the …."

"Hisoka...I been...looking for...you." he tried to catch his breath.

"Well, I've been busy."

"Hisoka.." The purple-eyed guardian looked at him with concern.

The younger guardian looks at his former partner and tries to look angry.

"About not being your partner anymore. Well, I just find you annoying, you're better off being partners with Muraki anyway."

Tsuzuki touched his shoulder smiling.

"Hisoka. Thank you from all my heart, thank you."

Still trying to look angry Hisoka crosses his arms.

"Well don't go pushing it, I still find you annoying."

The green-eyed shinigami then pulls the other into a hug .

"You're happy, right? Anything as long as you're happy. That's all that matters."

Tsuzuki hugs him back. "Yes. I'm happy."

Soon he feels himself being let go and looks into the watery eyes of his former partner. Hisoka clears his throat from sounding too harsh from trying to hold in his tears.

"Well, I got to go study some more on that new shikigami I am receiving."

And the younger shinigami walks away into the building.

Tsuzuki feels a hand touch his shoulder and he leans his head on it knowing it was his lover's.

"_Yes, Hisoka. I couldn't be more happier. Thank you."_

"Kaza, I have a surprise for you."

"Really?"

He felt the tingle of his lover's breath close to his ear causing a chill to run up his spine.

"Yeah, really." The guardian grabs the man's hand turning himself around toward his lover.

"Do you remember that time in the strip club?"

"Yes. How could I not? Asato, what are you up to?"

The angel could see the wicked smile on his beloved's face as they begin to disappear.

"I owe you a payback."

* * *

FIN

Notes: _I wanted to thank everybody who enjoyed reading this fic and reviewed_

_This was probably the hardest chapter I have written. I kepted changing my mind alot on how I wanted it to end, I do hope it was a good one. I know the characters are a little OOC, but this was the world I wantd to create them in._

_YEAh Muraki is alive!! Did you really think I was just going to let poor tsuzuki suffer anymore..._


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